Canadian fiction; Country life -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Griggs tilted his chair, hooked his thumbs into his waistcoat, and
challenged me to point out a flaw in his theory. I declined, for the
simple reason, I said, that it was flawless; then I rose to make my
escape. Griggs adjured me to sit down for a minute; he had a few
questions to ask, and I was the man of all men to give him the
information he sought.
Now a stitch in time, it is said, saves nine; a lie, a little one, a
mere clerical plea of a pressing engagement, would have saved ninety or
more. Had I not instinctively refrained from loosening one stitch in my
garment of righteousness it would not have been torn to tatters.
I hesitated; I sat down; I was lost. Griggs grew friendly, more
friendly, affectionate; he addressed me by my surname, and I realized
that I was in the clutches of the objectionable type of person who claps
you on the back at the second meeting, and demands with a boisterous
laugh, "How goes it, old man?"
Beginning with generalities pertaining to agriculture, he questioned me
searchingly upon my private affairs. I can parry, and occasionally
thrust--but not against a battering-ram. Grigg's questions were not to
be evaded. I could have declined point-blank to answer, thus intimating
that he was a boor, but that would have been unpleasant to me--perhaps
not to Griggs. I could have followed my natural inclination by telling
the truth, but I recoiled from laying bare to a stranger the peculiar
economies of our rural life; besides, I shrink from intrusion with the
same shyness that causes me to slink guiltily into a shop if I see a man
approaching who is indebted to me. There was but one other alternative;
I took it. I smiled my most frankly ingenuous smile; I beamed upon him
with warm-hearted encouraging candor and--lied! Yes, lied with beggarly
duplicity, and I kept on with Spartan fortitude; and so smooth is the
grade on the broad and downward road that presently I was enjoying my
own depravity. My imaginings no longer appeared as ugly bloated
caterpillars, but spun themselves swiftly into chrysalides and instantly
emerged as gorgeous butterflies, dazzling to their creator. And yet my
mind remained alert and clear. Every statement that I made was notched
deeply into my own brain, so that I could afterwards recall the
slightest detail; into Griggs's also, for he snapped at, swallowed and
assimilated every fragment of information with the avidity of a starved
dog. We began in this way:--
"How many acres in your farm?"......"Fifty." (It really was my farm, for
I was paying more than the rent of the whole place to Peter.)
"How many horses?"......"Five--two working teams and a fast driver."
(Fortunately, I knew Peter's stable.)
"Cows? .. Calves?"......"Three cows--seven calves." (I was pretty sure
of the cows, but I had to guess the calves.)
"Jupiter! You never raised seven calves from three cows?"......"Oh, yes.
Three pair of twins--the odd one is last year's."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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