The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
The withdrawal of the attendants is the cue for our sunny friend,
perched up as he is behind his little pulpit with his little gavel in
his hand, to fall gracefully into a posture bespeaking in every curve of
it a worshipful, almost an idolatrous admiration.
“And now, ladies and gentlemen”--hear him say it--“I have the pleasure
and the privilege of submitting for your approval one of the absolute
gems of this splendid collection. A magnificent example of the Ming
period--mind you, a genuine Ming. I am confidentially informed by the
executors of the estate of the late Mr. Gezinks, the former owner of
these wonderful belongings, that it was the prize piece of his entire
collection. Look at the color--just look at the shape! Worth a thousand
dollars if it is worth a cent. Try to buy it in one of the antique shops
round the corner for that--just try, that's all I ask you to do. Now
then”--this with a cheery, inviting, confident smile--“now then, what am
I offered? Who'll start it off at five hundred?”
There is no answer. A look of surprise not unmixed with chagrin crosses
his mobile countenance. From his play of expression you feel that what
he feels, underlying his other feelings, is a sympathy for people so
blinded to their own good luck as not to leap headlong and en masse at
this unparalleled chance.
“Tut tut!” he exclaims and again, “tut tut! Very well, then,”--his tone
is resigned--“do I hear four hundred and seventy-five--four hundred and
fifty? Who'll start it at four twenty-five?”
His gaze sweeps the faces of the assemblage. It is a compelling gaze,
indeed you might say mes-meristic. There is a touch of pathos in it,
though, an unuttered appeal to the gathering to consider its own several
interests.
“Do I hear four hundred?” He speaks of four hundred as an ostrich might
speak of a tomtit's egg--as something comparatively insignificant and
puny.
“Twenty dollars!” pipes a voice.
He clasps his hand to his brow. This is too much; it is much too much.
But business is business. He rallies; he smiles bitterly, wanly. His
soul within him is crushed and bruised, but he rallies. Rallying is one
of the best things he does and one of the most frequent. The bidding
livens, slackens, lags, then finally ceases. With a gesture betokening
utter despair, with lineaments bathed in the very waters of woe, he
heart-brokenly knocks the vase down to somebody for $88.50.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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