The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Mainly our experiments have been confined to hogs and poultry. I will
not claim that we have been entirely successful in these directions. The
trouble seems to be that our pigs are so tremendously opposed to race
suicide and that our hens are so firmly committed to it. Now offhand
you might think an adult animal of the swine family that completely gave
herself over to the idea of multiplying and replenishing the earth with
her species would be an asset to any farm, but in my own experience I
have found that such is not always the case. Into the world a brood of
little pinky-white squealers are ushered. They grow apace, devouring
with avidity the most expensive brands of pig food that the grocer
has in stock; and then, just when your mind is filled with delectable
visions of hams in the smokehouse and flitches of bacon in the cellar
and tierces of lard in the cold-storage room and spare-ribs and
crackling and home-made country sausage and pork tenderloins on the
table--why, your prospects deliberately go and catch the hog cholera and
are shortly no more. They have a perfect mania for it. They'll travel
miles out of their way to catch it; they'll sit up until all hours of
the night in the hope of catching it. Hogs will swim the Mississippi
River--and it full of ice--to get where hog cholera is. Our hogs have
been observed in the act of standing in the pen with their snouts in the
air, sniffing in unison until they attracted the germs of it right
out of the air. It is very disheartening to be counting on bacon worth
eighty cents a pound only to find that all you have on your hands is a
series of hurried interments.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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