A steady careful person capable of teaching the English language grammatically, and willing to attend the children to bed: A cleanly sober wench to look after the children's linen, and do other occasional work: Enquire of Mr. Twitch, broom-maker, in Kent-street. By properly publishing advertisements like this, you will seldom fail of attracting the attention of the publick. But you may want none of these servants. You have an easy redress. Ask the mathematician if he understands English, the abecedarian if he understands mathematics; upon these conditions promise them each ten pounds a year, (board, lodging, and washing) with eighteen-penny perquisites, and you are acquitted with credit; as to the wench, if she comes bare-foot, almost before the news-paper appears, rebuffs of this kind are so common, that you may say, without suspicion, you are engaged. SECT. 5. If you are at any time desirous of enlarging your terms, expostulate plentifully on your intended improvements, and the large stipends your assistants require. Your expences are extremely great, and the business above measure fatiguing; you have been long accustomed to children, and are fond of seeing them about you; and indeed otherwise the business would be insupportable. CHAP. II. DIET. Among the first articles enquired after, both by parents and children, are those of the table. You cannot therefore be too early instructed in the desirable art of giving all reasonable satisfaction in this matter, at the least possible expence. SECT. 1. Remember then always, to see the fruit-basket amongst your boys before dinner. Fruit is least prejudicial to an empty stomach; and if the children will indulge themselves with biscuit and gingerbread, who can help it. SECT. 2. If your number of boys or their allowances deserve not a fruit-woman's attendance, your wife may properly enough engage in the office; it will prevent the boys from being cheated, and be a proof of her humility. The use of some neighbouring tavern may also be permitted with caution; it is an indulgence which will not fail to conciliate the affection of your leading boys. SECT. 3. If there be no considerable parish work-house near you, it will be your interest to secure the stale loaves and neck-beef; the former is excellent in boiled milk or plumb-pudding, the latter in boulli for a Saturday's dinner. The butchers and bakers you must remember have been time immemorial the best academy-ticks. SECT. 4. The worse your fresh joints are dressed the better for you; the boys will eat the less, and it is always the cook's fault. SECT. 5. Whenever the boys find fault with the quality of your meat, appear at the head of your table, declare the extraordinary price you have given for it, and call your servants to witness that you sent for the best in the market. Whoever replies, turn him away. SECT. 6. I allow of no pies except a little before the holidays. Delicacies and dainties are not to be expected in a school.