The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
and set upon _them_ with the broadest grin I could summon. Nor could I
withhold a laugh at seeing them laugh. 'Reckon how mas'r's on big
business to Washington wid Mr. General Pierce,' says one, whose face
was black, and bright, and full of the quizzical; while another, with
a flat crooked nose gave a cunning wink out of his left eye. This
being detected by a superior, in the brisk person of a son of the
Emerald Isle, who stood well six feet in his boots, a 'soucer' with
the broad front of his knuckle bones, between the colored gentleman's
two eyes, was the rejoinder--a most striking remonstrance, that laid
him measuring the floor. Troth! an' it's myself 'd stop yer
botheration. Sure, ye dark spalpeens, is it by the same token ye'd
trate the gintleman? (Here the honest son of sweet Erin showed signs
of his Doneybrook getting the better of him.) 'Myself 'll take care of
Mr. Smooth--doesn't he belong to the self same party, the
know-nothings? The divil a such a country, as Hamirike: an' it's the
boys from Donegal that 'ud be taking her dignity in care.' Saying
this, Mr. Patrick (for such was his name) stretched the whole length
of his important self over the table, and says:--I'm yers to the
buckle of my shoe, Mr. Smooth! It's a divil a one but yerself I'll
vote for at the next helection. Sure, an' didn't mysel jine the native
Hamerikan party, with Tom Connolly, afore we'd been two months on the
beloved soil an', sure, it's Tom and myself that's goin to put through
the _nonothin_ for ye.' Here Mr. Patrick anxiously paused for a
reply. To never say a bad thing when I could not think of a good, ever
has been my motto; so I returned his good nature with saying:--'Give
us yer hand, Mr. Patrick--we will forget the two, and yet be one! and
that our faith may be made strong, we will together do brown the
patriotism of these United States.
"'Ye better believe that!' returns Mr. Patrick, with an exultation of
happiness; and concluding with: 'I'd kill every nager in the land, be
the pipers I would! an' it's the boys from old Ireland what does be
keeping the bright face on pure Hamirikan principles. Sure an' warn't
it the brave boys that halicted Gineral Pierce and his cumrades?' Here
Mr. Patrick again paused, and with a wise look, shook his head. 'We
put the broad staunch face on the democracy,' again he interjaculated
with a mutter. Indeed, Mr. Patrick the reader will easily detect, had
the crude idea of right in his head; but, unfortunately, he could only
get it out in these simple and sideling insinuations. The negro, whom
we have before described as being knocked down, picked himself up and
had nothing to say.
"'There may be much in what you say, friend Patrick,' said I: 'The
boys from Donegal do with the elective franchise much that
_native-Homers_ in their carelessness leave undone. Mr. Patrick
acknowledged this, shook his head, and said the fact, though
deplorable, was preeminently established.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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