The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
our general was pleased to make an approving bow. Again, his honor, in
compliment of himself, informed those present that nothing could be
more significant of divine will than that at this momentous crisis,
when a bloody war was on the eve of hurling its vengeance over Europe,
and devastating the nations, he should be called to hadminister those
high functions of a nation the duties of his office involved; and,
too, when an opportunity would be afforded him of exercising those
mental gifts with which God had happily and liberally endowed
him. With the full force of this valuable interposition he had not a
doubt but that the peace and harmony of the world would again be
restored. Nor should her Majesty's ministers ever ask in vain his
advice;[*] and, as to the right of impeaching them, he would
tenaciously reserve that to himself on all occasions. Whenever they
evinced want of hexperience, his knowledge of hintricate questions and
mystifying diplomacy should always be at their disposal. A single
flourish more, his face glowing earnest, and the little great man
proposed (having reiterated that great men were the gift of an age!)
'The great minds of America!' This inspiring sentiment he coupled with
the name of General Plum, and sat down amidst a shower of very
good-natured applause.
[Footnote: His Honor recently brought forward in the Board of Aldermen
a resolution having for its object the impeachment of Lord
Aberdeen and his cabinet.]
"This compliment, as the vulgar say, took Plum all aback. He rose in
all the dignity of a Pierce diplomatist; his face brightened,
conscious of merit; his tall loose figure elongated; he mastered
several very ill-positioned coughs, and with glances very
congressional, as if seeking a reportorial eye, spoke as modern
politicians mostly do when President-making. But before Smooth
proceeds to transcribe the elements of his speech, some description of
his person may be necessary; in truth, he hears the reader demanding
it. Flum is a long-jointed man, tall and coarse of figure, has a broad
inexpressive face, with a spacious mouth and thin lips, disclosing
irregular and discolored teeth; to which is added a sharp, projecting
chin, prominent cheek bones, lazy grey eyes, deeply sunken under
narrow arches slightly fringed with short, sprouting, reddish hairs,
and a thin high bridged nose, forming a curvature on the ridge, and
twisted to the left at an angle of some twenty-two degrees. This
singular deformity of the nasal organ arose from the fact of its
having been in contact with the hard hand of a pugilistic congressman;
at least so went report. To those exhibiting nice taste for the
appearance of our political gentry, we would say that the general, not
at all like Smooth, added to the beauty of his _personel_ a low,
reclining forehead, superstructed with bright crispy hair, that stood
confused all over his head, and gave him the appearance of having been
chased by some infuriated bull.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account