The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"'Come to see the Gineral, I s'pose, stranger?' our Carolinian
inquired, with a suspicious look, touching a companion beside him on
the arm. To his inquiry I returned--nothing shorter! 'Cape Cod,' he
followed with a respectful bow, 'did noble work for the true
democracy; she is great in sands, shoals, and cod-fish; she will send
General Pierce a chowder, as emblematic of his foreign policy--' Here
I interrupted by assuring him that Cape Cod could stand anything to
the stomach digestible; But whether she could digest the General was a
doubtful question. Cape Cod, be it known over the broad acres of this
land, I added, has a spirit above living on government: she turned
disdainfully from the means that were fast turning the functions of
government into a machine for grinding out patronage--she never
sacrificed Uncle Sam for the sake of what is in his tin-trunk. At
this, which he was pleased to call an expletive, he begun to summon
his dignity: at once he stiffened in a manner that proved how much
superior to me he considered himself, and how much more of Uncle Sam's
shiners were necessary to his conceived maintenance. 'Cape Cod is the
place,' says he folding his arms, moving to a more piquant position,
giving his person a little more importance, and making a target of the
brightly polished stove, against which he permitted a well-directed
stream of dark fluid to explode ere he wiped his lips.--'Cape Cod is
the place from whence all persons come who profess to be born free and
equal; but they are a scrubby set--' Considering it a duty I owed to
the nation, I again interrupted him. 'Cape Cod,' replied I, 'has got
gumption, principle, and the spirit of a go-ahead in her: she
germinated the Young American party. Understand, citizen, (here I
found spunk was necessary), a cape-coaster can at any time boast a
full fair of fish; if he draw them from Mr. John Bull's waters, so
much the better. He is no stranger to Mr. John Bull, whom he esteems
rather a dogged fellow, pugnaciously inclined at times, but never so
bad as he seems; and though stubbornly behind the age of progress, nor
willing to believe in the principles of manifest destiny, often
improves upon acquaintance.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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