The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"Leaving Cass holding on at the slippery roof. I dreamed that the
ghost of Benton, in contemplation bestrode the summit of the Rocky
Mountains; that 'Young America,' like a Colossus with monster limbs
stretched across a world, was endeavouring to wake from their stupor
the nations. With a voice like unto lazy thunder murmuring in the
distance was he proclaiming his hatred of kings, into whose dominions
he threatened to march great armies, and whom he described as curses
sent upon the earth by the evil one: for the _Evil One_ sought to
promote self, a means to which he found in those intrigues by which he
made strong his court--the same was the trade of kings. Again the
voice thundered forth--'Here are the instruments that have destroyed a
world of human beings, and for a selfish purpose gloated over the
blood they had made run in torrents.' I looked, and behold! appeared
there before me a terrible devil, of hideous form having two great
horns, on one of the long sharp points of which was poised a king, on
the other a fat bishop in his lawn. The two perpetual mischief-makers,
and desolators thus poised, he came with a hideous roar, threatening
to drown them in the river of unrefined common sense. And then there
was written in broad letters of fire across the shoulders of this
sturdy devil--'Kingcraft and Churchcraft have cursed the nations of
the earth, and turned to blight the blessings of the True God!' Again
this significant edict vanished, and in its place there came, as in
letters of gold, 'Cheap Government and no Established Church--let the
nations be ruled in wisdom and right!' This had reference to good old
England, not America, for here bishops are known to be meek and good.
All this was a dream: but then there came, soaring giant-like, 'Young
America,' and manifest destiny which he spread over the land for the
benefit of mankind. Then there came a great darkness, followed by a
little light that crept feebly onward as if fearing to spread itself
on the broad disc of the horoscope--it was the light of Mr. Pierce,
beneath which hovered doubtful devils. How rapacious they seemed! They
saw the doubts and fears of his little light, and would fain carry him
off into purgatory ere it died out. But his saviours came: they were
the ghosts of those great lights that founded the pillars of our
Republicanism. Down they sat, in ghostly conclave, and with
instruments in hand set about driving away the carrier devils and
working the problem of Mr. Pierce's political policy. It was
impossible!--not all the trigonometry of which they were masters
sufficed to aid them in the task. It seemed like attempting to solve
the principle of that which never had one. He stood on a platform of
sections, each of which turned at a touch, and seemed giving way for
want of strength. Indeed, as beheld in the dream, he could play the
game of uncertainty through a dozen focuses. The jury of ghosts
became sorely perplexed; then they began to put to him some very
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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