The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
breeches, on his Virginia horn, and was having a nice little game of
shuttle-cock with him, just for his own amusement, while his executive
victim shrieked most piteously, expecting every succeeding surge would
land him beneath the surface of the boiling mass. The old nigger wench
had fainted at the sight, and lay sprawled on the floor, as Marcy,
making a grab at Mr. Pierce's breeches at a moment when the savage
brute was giving a last vault ere he landed his victim into the
scalding homony, tripped his toe and brought his length upon the floor
beneath the pig's hind legs. 'It's all gone!' exclaimed the General;
and in another minute nothing was seen save the soles of his boots
protruding above the boil-surface. The surly brute, having generously
moistened Grandpapa Marcy's head, stood, his fore-feet on the rim of
the cauldron, gazed after his struggling victim, and held his head
high aloft in triumph. This brought Uncle Dib to the rescue. After
raising Grandpapa, with limbs extended, they drew forth the
half-cooked body, reeking with the black pig's swill, and laid it on
the kitchen floor, the ungrateful quadruped walking victoriously
away. Satisfied that I had seen enough for one day, I sought my way
back to the National, where I contemplated the next move necessary to
my mission.
CHAPTER VIII.
MR. SOLOMON SMOOTH TAKES A FISH BREAKFAST.
"Well, Uncle Sam, I reckoned I'd seen enough of the kitchen
arrangements; so I left them scraping the General--that is, getting
off the injured outside, in order to see what really he was made of,
and what he had beneath the undefinable cover. When in Washington,
there's nothing like going ahead; and if you can look a man into
respect for you, so much the better. Dignitary or no dignitary won't
do; you must always profess to be a distinguished individual. Well, on
the strength of the invitation extended by Jeff--to take a fish
breakfast on the following morning, when it was expected the flounder
would be done brown, I again repaired to the White House, and after
pushing my way through all kinds of passages and doorways, found
myself in a gorgeous sort of establishment.
"'Your lookin for somethin, I take it?' said a trim figure, whose face
rather bordered on the brassy.
"'Well! I reckon I am. Can you tell a stray citizen where the General
hangs out in the morning?' I replied, as he confronted me and paused.
"'Sartin!' he rejoined, interrupting me, and at the same time looking
very sociable, as if he wanted to have a talk on politics.
Nevertheless, it was getting close upon the hour of breakfast; so he
takes me by the arm, and stepping through a frickazeed passage up to a
large door which opened into a ponderously furnished room, 'I'll take
your card, sir!' continued he, with a low bow and a motion of the hand
to sit down.
"Didn't have a card at hand, but chalked down Mr. Solomon Smooth, from
Cape Cod, on a piece of thick paper per, that suited all the purposes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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