The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
That imperial first
transgressor had the fickle imaginations of his people to dazzle by
paying off certain old scores; even now how beautifully he plays the
disinterested to curtain the designs of his ambition! John,
nevertheless, did wake from his years of stupor to find himself in an
uncertain position;--this was manifest by the manner in which he
assumed a contemplative mood. A few shakes at the hands of his rougher
politicians aroused his apprehension of being swamped in the political
perplexity. Mr. Smooth paused, and took a careful view of the
venerable old man, that he might learn something more of
him. 'Stranger.' said I, 'what on earth has brought you here?'
"He canted his head, as if it were thickish, gave a dignified look,
and again turned to his meditations;--'Beg pardon, but I don't know
you,' he grumbled.
"'Social's the word, John; be social, and give us an inkling of your
motive for that peculiar position you unwittingly find yourself in.'
The salutation seemed to excite his astonishment. He was a stranger to
such familiarity--rudeness, if so you may please to call it; and
turned from me, his movements assimilating to those of a turtle with a
coal of fire on his back.
"'You are who?' he returned, in a gruff voice, a scowl of contempt
invading his broad face.
"'Smooth, from Down East!' I replied,--'who do you think it is?' To
make the point more convincing, I started up Yankee Doodle, which I
whistled with the variations.
"'You are not only an intruder, but an impertinent fellow!'
"'Needn't feel disagreeable about it. Smooth--a man of standing in his
diggins, and Young America's independent delegate, has only come to
take a bird's-eye view of the way things look about this seat of war.'
"'Who the devil is Mr. Smooth? I know he has no business here!' again
grumbled the old man.
"'Don't know Solomon Smooth, eh?'
"'No, don't nor do I want to. You are always making difficulty
wherever you go, probing your nose into everybody's business. You may
be a keen fellow in commerce, but in diplomacy you are impertinent and
quite beside yourself. You better be off from here, inasmuch as I am
the biggest toad in this puddle, and mean to remain so. We are not
inclined to know anything about Mr. Smooth; so the quicker he packs
himself and his baggage up and is off from this, the better.' The
earnestness with which he said this left me no reason to doubt his
intention to remain the biggest toad of the pool.
"'Mr. Smooth, something of a man in Washington, holds a contrary
opinion, and claims a right to know the ins and outs of what is going
on outside of your dominions, as well as inside his own, and to
insinuate himself into just what it may please him,' I replied in the
measured manner of an experienced diplomatist.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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