The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
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The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"'Perhaps you have,' he interrupted, 'but if you were possessed of
ordinary modesty, you would refrain from intermeddling when you saw
what a blasted time I had to keep that great Bear, across there, from
breaking his chain and devouring everything on this side.'
"'Feeling a fellow sympathy, I thought perhaps I might lend you a hand
to do some of the whipping,--knowing how the brute professes to be a
christian of the latest pattern.' Nicholas had a strong appetite for
the Turkey, which, though sick, he would have no objection to
breakfast upon, as I have before stated; and, that his christian cubs
might share the feast, he had begun to teach them the straightforward
principles of holy orthodoxy; which said holy orthodoxy incited a
craving for blood we have not yet learned to appreciate.
"The said sick Turkey had not given the best satisfaction to the world
in his mode of reducing to poverty his flock; and, too, he was always
ready to bandy words and ostentation,--having a large supply of the
latter always on hand. He had, moreover, evinced a certain degree of
heroism; nor was he ever backward in professing his readiness to fight
somebody--if it were the unruly Bear, so much the better. The heroism
thus manifested on the part of the decaying Turk would have deserved
more praise had it not had its origin in the assurance that Uncle John
would lend a hand to do the fighting. Mark ye! John had copiously
poured forth his treasure and blood in order that this vagabond Turkey
might still live, and be saved from the Bear's all-digesting stomach,
and for which he would deny John the freedom of his city; he would
condescend only to honor him with the title of dog.
"In one sense a more generous fellow than John was not to be found on
the outside of our small world. He had been the pack-horse of Europe,
and all sorts of kings had used him for all sorts of purposes. Never
was friend used better. He was proud, and yet how submissive. Ready to
shed his blood and squander his treasure for he knew not what, he was
equally willing to submit his well-burdened back to the kicks and
cuffs of those he had saved from ignominy. Now, the very type of
endurance was he who sat poised in the puddle. 'As for the Bear,' says
John, 'he won't guarantee to be satisfied with his ordinary rations;
and if he were to plant himself in the centre of this puddle I would
very obediently have to plant myself out.' Here John folded his arms,
and, with a dignified air, ordered his beer.
"That John should keep his eye sharp to windward was natural enough;
but had this very same eye been kept to windward many years ago, much
blood and treasure had been saved in the present. It is playing false
to his national character thus long for which John now pays so
dearly. But that phantom of terror excited by the Bear's growth,
Mr. Smooth seriously thinks unworthy of being entertained by the
honorable John.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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