The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"To make rogue one honest man is one clever thing; Mr. Jonathan
mistake himself in tinking himself great, when he not so great. Now,
dem Yankee one grand 'cute fellow; you no catch him wid de, bird
chaff,' he is supposed to conclude. Smooth very amiably suggested that
it were better to let Cuba be Cuba, until the time came when, if she
felt like snugly brooding under Uncle Sam's wings, without any
assistance would he attend to the little matter of offering her a
roost. Uncle Sam was growing, but had grave ideas, with which he
generally maintained his own dignity. They here reckoned Mr. Smooth
had delivered his speech with becoming dignity. Of this fact I was
fully sure, for my Lord Littlejohn put his finger into his mouth and
began to suck it, as is common with him in these his days of
tribulation. 'Let us quit the Ottomans and go into the eatables: the
one is so dry nothing is to be made at it, while at the other
everything is to be made, for there is something to eat,' rejoined
John. They carried the suggestion by acclamation. Just then,
whang!--bang!--whiz! somebody thundered at the door, when, alarmed,
they all cried out--'whose there?' In answer to this the man with the
long rod cried out at the very top of his voice--'Stop the game!' The
old fellows began to stow away their gambling tools, look innocently
and vacantly at one another, as if a crisis was upon them they could
not understand. 'It's only us outsiders,' a voice replied, in most
harmless accents.
"'There! I told you we'd make a mess of it,--that the outsiders would
break in upon us' said Littlejohn, with a savage grimace, directing
himself to Dablerdeen, who it was now thought better to call
Grandmamma Fudge. The gentlemen outsiders were the honor-saving
committee from Finsbury, the members of which declared themselves
large stakeholders in the game at the Treasury. Grandmamma Fudge
thought it best to tell them, merely in a bluff sort of way, that
England's honor was safe in his keeping--that they must not be scared
about it; not however, until they found him pedling pills and other
quack medicines with the object of inducing Austria to be more
explicit. 'But, my old closeters, in we must come! Fearing you have got
the gout in the head, we are here to make an examination; things done
in secret have a dark look about them; and we, being the honor-saving
committee, have come to make a single suggestion, which is that my
lord of foreign affair memory is found wanting in firmness, and gets
very crooked when he is not kept straight, which is most unfortunate
in a diplomatist who smokes bad cigars all the day long. This said, it
must be remembered that old Finsbury feels sensitive of her rights and
liberties; closely allied to which is the honor of Old England. And
Christmas being near at hand, if the old Bear eat up all the Turkey,
Finsbury cannot keep it; and we have been honied down in a
good-natured sort of way long enough.' Poor old Grandmamma Fudge
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account