The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
looked dumbfounded, like at times we see a disconsolate individual,
who nipped in a hail-storm, mourns the loss of his umbrella. Like
death, it was necessary to keep close, tell the honor-saving committee
to maintain their usual spirits, and call again, when in respect to
their ancient character, they would get a listening for their
grievances. With this valuable solace, condescendingly bestowed by the
ancient gentlemen aforesaid did the committee go away happy, promise
to be very good, and keep Finsbury before the world.
"The gentlemen having been respectfully bowed out of Downing street, a
loud call was made to commence again at the dough-nuts. 'I say, bring
'em on,' rejoined I; Smooth 'll help (I'd been seated a little back,
watching the while) play at that or any other game, provided there be
a rule of honor and economy to work out.'
"'Be a little more modest, Smooth--if you please!' spoke up my most
intimate friend, Palm, who until then had seemed viewing the whole
conclave with measured contempt. Indeed my friend Palm was a regular
brick in his way, which fact was most happily illustrated in the
manner he now and then threw the hard tokens at the head of his
parliamentary brother Bright. It was as unfortunate as notorious,
however, that in his dealings with the United States, his conduct was
as dishonorable as uncertain. 'Smooth, you are a large youth,' said
he; 'but your reforming principles have too great a resemblance to
innovations to go down without scratching, in this aged atmosphere of
ours! Nor must you be so lavish of your manifest destiny policy; that,
to me, is the medium by which you intend to come on this side of the
big pond and stick your fingers into everybody's mess.'
"I interrupted him just then; and in reply to a question I put, he
acknowledged his conviction to be that we did things well and simply;
but he made one little reservation, and that was that we did not do so
well when we permitted the little State of South Carolina to imprison
Uncle John's nigger sailors. Then he said South Carolina was the
_Empire State of Nigger Slavery;_ and was not aware of his mistake,
until such I happily removed by convincing him that she was the only
Don Quixote of the Union; and as it was necessary for every nation to
have such an inhabitant in its compact, merely for the purpose of
keeping alive the humorous, so Carolina filled the void in America,
where happily her little exploits were viewed as very harmless.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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