"Ah, rogue," saith my lord, "thou beest but a foolish calf, and as thou art so thou talkest: for these ladies do of purpose shew what 'tis worth men's while to gaze upon; whereas the poor ape goeth naked for sheer want of clothing. And now be thou quick to make good that wherein thou hast offended: else will we so bastinado thee and so hunt thee to thy goose-pen with dogs as men use to do with calves that know not how to behave themselves. Yet let us hear if thou canst praise a lady as is becoming." So I looked upon the lady from head to foot and again from foot to head, and gazed upon her so fixedly and so lovingly as I would take her to wife: and at last, "Sir," said I, "I see clearly where the fault lieth; for the rascal tailor is the cause of all. The villain hath left those parts, which should cover the neck and the breast, below in the skirts: and therefore do these so trail behind. The botcher should have his hand hewn off that can tailor no better than this." And "Lady," quoth I to her, "be rid of him, or he will shame you; and have a care that you do deal with my dad's tailor, which same was hight Master Powle: for he could fashion fine plaited gowns for my mammy, our Ann, and our Ursula, and all cut even round about below. So did they never drag in the mud like yours: nay, and ye cannot believe what fine clothes he would make for the hussies." So says my lord, "Were now thy father's Ann and thy father's Ursula handsomer than these ladies;" "Nay," said I, "my lord, that may not be: this young maiden hath hair as yellow as sulphur, and the parting of her hair so white and smooth as though one had cut bristle-brushes therefrom; yea, and her hair so sweetly done up in rolls that it is like unto pipe-stems; yea, and as if one had hanged upon each side of her head a pound of candles or a dozen of sausages. Look you now, what a smooth, fair brow she hath! is it not rounder than a plum-pudding and whiter than a dead man's skull that has hung long on the gallows in wind and rain. 'Tis pity indeed that her tender skin is so stained by puff-powder; for when people see this who understand not such things, surely they will think this lady had the king's evil, which is wont to produce such a scaly humour; and this were surely pity: for look upon those sparkling eyes: they shine as black as did the soot on my dad's chimney; for that did use to shine so terribly when our Ann stood there before it with a wisp of straw to warm the room as if fire were therein enough to set the world in a blaze. Her cheeks be rosy enough, yet not so red as the red garters with which the Swabian waggoners at Ulm did truss up their breeches. Yet the bright red which she hath on her lips doth far surpass the colour of those garters, and if she speak or laugh (I pray my masters give heed thereto), then can one see in her mouth two rows of teeth, so orderly and so sugary as if they were with one snip cut out of a white turnip.