And thus, from its humility, its sense of weakness and weariness, its
consciousness of sin and failure, combined with its deep apprehension
of the stainless beauty of the moral law, this lyric has found its way
to the hearts of all who find the world and temptation and fear too
strong, all who through repeated failure have learned that they cannot
even be true to what they so pathetically desire and admire; who would
be brave and vigorous if they could, but, as it is, can only hope to be
just led step by step, helped over the immediate difficulty, past the
dreaded moment; whose heart often fails them, and who have little of
the joy of God; who can only trust that, if they go astray, the mercy
of God will yet go out to seek them; who cannot even hope to run in the
way of God's beloved commandments, till He has set their heart at
liberty.
March 8, 1889.
I went to see Darell, my old schoolfellow, a few days ago; he wrote to
say that he would much like to see me, but that he was ill and unable
to leave home--could I possibly come to see him?
I have never seen very much of him since I left Cambridge; but there I
was a good deal in his company--and we have kept up our friendship ever
since, in the quiet way in which Englishmen do keep up their
friendships, meeting perhaps two or three times in the year, exchanging
letters occasionally. He was not a very intimate friend--indeed, he was
not a man who formed intimacies; but he was a congenial companion
enough. He was a frankly ambitious man. He went to the bar, where he
has done well; he married a wife with some money; and I think his
ultimate ambition has been to enter Parliament. He told me, when I last
saw him, that he had now, he thought, made enough money for this, and
that he would probably stand at the next election. I have always liked
his wife, who is a sensible, good-natured woman, with social ambitions.
They live in a good house in London, in a wealthy sort of way. I
arrived to luncheon, and sate a little while with Mrs. Darell in the
drawing-room. I became aware, while I sate with her, that there was a
sense of anxiety in the air somehow, though she spoke cheerfully enough
of her husband, saying that he had overworked himself, and had to lie
up for a little. When he came into the room I understood. It was not
that he was physically much altered--he is a strongly-built fellow,
with a sanguine complexion and thick curly hair, now somewhat grizzled;
but I knew at the first sight of him that matters were serious. He was
quiet and even cheerful in manner, but he had a look on his face that I
had never seen before, the look of a man whose view of life has been
suddenly altered, and who is preparing himself for the last long
journey. I knew instinctively that he believed himself a doomed man. He
said very little about himself, and I did not ask him much; he talked
about my books, and a good deal about old friends; but all with a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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