Death -- Fiction; Forgiveness -- Fiction; Memory -- Fiction
This picture was for a while all our friend saw: he caught his breath
again and again as it came over him that the woman with whom he had had
for years so fine a point of contact was a woman whom Acton Hague, of all
men in the world, had more or less fashioned. Such as she sat there
to-day she was ineffaceably stamped with him. Beneficent, blameless as
Stransom held her, he couldn’t rid himself of the sense that he had been,
as who should say, swindled. She had imposed upon him hugely, though she
had known it as little as he. All this later past came back to him as a
time grotesquely misspent. Such at least were his first reflexions;
after a while he found himself more divided and only, as the end of it,
more troubled. He imagined, recalled, reconstituted, figured out for
himself the truth she had refused to give him; the effect of which was to
make her seem to him only more saturated with her fate. He felt her
spirit, through the whole strangeness, finer than his own to the very
degree in which she might have been, in which she certainly had been,
more wronged. A women, when wronged, was always more wronged than a man,
and there were conditions when the least she could have got off with was
more than the most he could have to bear. He was sure this rare creature
wouldn’t have got off with the least. He was awestruck at the thought of
such a surrender—such a prostration. Moulded indeed she had been by
powerful hands, to have converted her injury into an exaltation so
sublime. The fellow had only had to die for everything that was ugly in
him to be washed out in a torrent. It was vain to try to guess what had
taken place, but nothing could be clearer than that she had ended by
accusing herself. She absolved him at every point, she adored her very
wounds. The passion by which he had profited had rushed back after its
ebb, and now the tide of tenderness, arrested for ever at flood, was too
deep even to fathom. Stransom sincerely considered that he had forgiven
him; but how little he had achieved the miracle that she had achieved!
His forgiveness was silence, but hers was mere unuttered sound. The
light she had demanded for his altar would have broken his silence with a
blare; whereas all the lights in the church were for her too great a
hush.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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