Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
CHAPTER IX.
The earl and Washington started on the sorrowful errand, talking as
they walked.
“And as _usual!_”
“What, Colonel?”
“Seven of them in that hotel. Actresses. And all burnt out, of course.”
“Any of them burnt _up?_”
“Oh, no they escaped; they always do; but there’s never a one of them
that knows enough to fetch out her jewelry with her.”
“That’s strange.”
“Strange—it’s the most unaccountable thing in the world. Experience
teaches them nothing; they can’t seem to learn anything except out of a
book. In some cases there’s manifestly a fatality about it. For
instance, take What’s-her-name, that plays those sensational thunder
and lightning parts. She’s got a perfectly immense reputation—draws
like a dog-fight—and it all came from getting burnt out in hotels.”
“Why, how could that give her a reputation as an actress?”
“It didn’t—it only made her name familiar. People want to see her play
because her name is familiar, but they don’t know what made it
familiar, because they don’t remember. First, she was at the bottom of
the ladder, and absolutely obscure—wages thirteen dollars a week and
find her own pads.”
“Pads?”
“Yes—things to fat up her spindles with so as to be plump and
attractive. Well, she got burnt out in a hotel and lost $30,000 worth
of diamonds.”
“She? Where’d she get them?”
“Goodness knows—given to her, no doubt, by spoony young flats and sappy
old bald-heads in the front row. All the papers were full of it. She
struck for higher pay and got it. Well, she got burnt out again and
lost all her diamonds, and it gave her such a lift that she went
starring.”
“Well, if hotel fires are all she’s got to depend on to keep up her
name, it’s a pretty precarious kind of a reputation I should think.”
“Not with her. No, anything but that. Because she’s so lucky; born
lucky, I reckon. Every time there’s a hotel fire she’s in it. She’s
always there—and if she can’t be there herself, her diamonds are. Now
you can’t make anything out of that but just sheer luck.”
“I never heard of such a thing. She must have lost quarts of diamonds.”
“Quarts, she’s lost bushels of them. It’s got so that the hotels are
superstitious about her. They won’t let her in. They think there will
be a fire; and besides, if she’s there it cancels the insurance. She’s
been waning a little lately, but this fire will set her up. She lost
$60,000 worth last night.”
“I think she’s a fool. If I had $60,000 worth of diamonds I wouldn’t
trust them in a hotel.”
“I wouldn’t either; but you can’t teach an actress that. This one’s
been burnt out thirty-five times. And yet if there’s a hotel fire in
San Francisco to-night she’s got to bleed again, you mark my words.
Perfect ass; they say she’s got diamonds in every hotel in the
country.”
When they arrived at the scene of the fire the poor old earl took one
glimpse at the melancholy morgue and turned away his face overcome by
the spectacle. He said:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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