Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Dear me, when you are going to drop a remark under a man’s chair that
is likely to blow him out through the roof, why don’t you put some
expression, some force, some noise into it that will prepare him? You
shouldn’t flip out such a gigantic thing as this in that colorless kind
of a way. You do jolt a person up, so. Go on, now, I am all right
again. Tell me all about it. I’m all interest—yes, and sympathy, too.”
“Well, I’ve looked the ground over, and concluded that the methods of
the Russian patriots, while good enough considering the way the boys
are hampered, are not the best; at least not the quickest. They are
trying to revolutionize Russia from _within;_ that’s pretty slow, you
know, and liable to interruption all the time, and is full of perils
for the workers. Do you know how Peter the Great started his army? He
didn’t start it on the family premises under the noses of the
Strelitzes; no, he started it away off yonder, privately,—only just one
regiment, you know, and he built to _that_. The first thing the
Strelitzes knew, the regiment was an _army_, their position was turned,
and they had to take a walk. Just that little idea _made_ the biggest
and worst of all the despotisms the world has seen. The same idea can
_un_make it. I’m going to prove it. I’m going to get out to one side
and work my scheme the way Peter did.”
“This is mighty interesting, Rossmore. What is it you are going to do?”
“I am going to buy Siberia and start a republic.”
“There,—bang you go again, without giving any notice! Going to _buy_
it?”
“Yes, as soon as I get the money. I don’t care what the price is, I
shall take it. I can afford it, and I will. Now then, consider this—and
you’ve never thought of it, I’ll warrant. Where is the place where
there is twenty-five times more manhood, pluck, true heroism,
unselfishness, devotion to high and noble ideals, adoration of liberty,
wide education, and _brains_, per thousand of population, than any
other domain in the whole world can show?”
“Siberia!”
“Right.”
“It is true; it certainly is true, but I never thought of it before.”
“Nobody ever thinks of it. But it’s so, just the same. In those mines
and prisons are gathered together the very finest and noblest and
capablest multitude of human beings that God is able to create. Now if
you had that kind of a population to sell, would you offer it to a
despotism? No, the despotism has no use for it; you would lose money. A
despotism has no use for anything but human cattle. But suppose you
want to start a republic?”
“Yes, I see. It’s just the material for it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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