Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“See how you tremble with excitement. That comes of lack of experience.
My boy, when you have been familiar with vast operations as long as I
have, you’ll be different. Look at me; is my eye dilated? do you notice
a quiver anywhere? Feel my pulse: plunk-plunk-plunk—same as if I were
asleep. And yet, what is passing through my calm cold mind? A
procession of figures which would make a financial novice drunk just
the sight of them. Now it is by keeping cool, and looking at a thing
all around, that a man sees what’s really in it, and saves himself from
the novice’s unfailing mistake—the one you’ve just suggested—eagerness
to _realize_. Listen to me. Your idea is to sell a part of him for
ready cash. Now mine is—guess.”
“I haven’t an idea. What is it?”
“Stock him—of course.”
“Well, I should never have thought of that.”
“Because you are not a financier. Say he has committed a thousand
crimes. Certainly that’s a low estimate. By the look of him, even in
his unfinished condition, he has committed all of a million. But call
it only a thousand to be perfectly safe; five thousand reward,
multiplied by a thousand, gives us a dead sure cash basis of—what? Five
million dollars!”
“Wait—let me get my breath.”
“And the property indestructible. Perpetually fruitful—perpetually; for
a property with his disposition will go on committing crimes and
winning rewards.”
“You daze me, you make my head whirl!”
“Let it whirl, it won’t do it any harm. Now that matter is all
fixed—leave it alone. I’ll get up the company and issue the stock, all
in good time. Just leave it in my hands. I judge you don’t doubt my
ability to work it up for all it is worth.”
“Indeed I don’t. I can say that with truth.”
“All right, then. That’s disposed of. Everything in its turn. We old
operators, go by order and system—no helter-skelter business with us.
What’s the next thing on the docket? The carrying on of the
materialization—the bringing it down to date. I will begin on that at
once. I think—
“Look here, Rossmore. You didn’t lock It in. A hundred to one it has
escaped!”
“Calm yourself, as to that; don’t give yourself any uneasiness.”
“But why shouldn’t it escape?”
“Let it, if it wants to. What of it?”
“Well, _I_ should consider it a pretty serious calamity.”
“Why, my dear boy, once in my power, always in my power. It may go and
come freely. I can produce it here whenever I want it, just by the
exercise of my will.”
“Well, I am truly glad to hear that, I do assure you.”
“Yes, I shall give it all the painting it wants to do, and we and the
family will make it as comfortable and contented as we can. No occasion
to restrain its movements. I hope to persuade it to remain pretty
quiet, though, because a materialization which is in a state of
arrested development must of necessity be pretty soft and flabby and
substanceless, and—er—by the way, I wonder where It comes from?”
“How? What do you mean?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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