Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
The earl pointed significantly—and interrogatively toward the sky.
Hawkins started; then settled into deep reflection; finally shook his
head sorrowfully and pointed downwards.
“What makes you think so, Washington?”
“Well, I hardly know, but really you can see, yourself, that he doesn’t
seem to be pining for his last place.”
“It’s well thought! Soundly deduced. We’ve done that Thing a favor. But
I believe I will pump it a little, in a quiet way, and find out if we
are right.”
“How long is it going to take to finish him off and fetch him down to
date, Colonel?”
“I wish I knew, but I don’t. I am clear knocked out by this new
detail—this unforeseen necessity of working a subject down gradually
from his condition of ancestor to his ultimate result as posterity. But
I’ll make him hump himself, anyway.”
“Rossmore!”
“Yes, dear. We’re in the laboratory. Come—Hawkins is here. Mind, now
Hawkins—he’s a sound, living, _human being_ to all the family—_don’t_
forget that. Here she comes.”
“Keep your seats, I’m not coming in. I just wanted to ask, who is it
that’s painting down there?”
“That? Oh, that’s a young artist; young Englishman, named Tracy; very
promising—favorite pupil of Hans Christian Andersen or one of the other
old masters—Andersen I’m pretty sure it is; he’s going to half-sole
some of our old Italian masterpieces. Been talking to him?”
“Well, only a word. I stumbled right in on him without expecting
anybody was there. I tried to be polite to him; offered him a
snack”—(Sellers delivered a large wink to Hawkins from behind his
hand), “but he declined, and said he wasn’t hungry” (another sarcastic
wink); “so I brought some apples” (doublewink), “and he ate a couple
of—”
“What!” and the colonel sprang some yards toward the ceiling and came
down quaking with astonishment.
Lady Rossmore was smitten dumb with amazement. She gazed at the
sheepish relic of Cherokee Strip, then at her husband, and then at the
guest again. Finally she said:
“What is the matter with you, Mulberry?”
He did not answer immediately. His back was turned; he was bending over
his chair, feeling the seat of it. But he answered next moment, and
said:
“Ah, there it is; it was a tack.”
The lady contemplated him doubtfully a moment, then said, pretty
snappishly:
“All that for a tack! Praise goodness it wasn’t a shingle nail, it
would have landed you in the Milky Way. I do hate to have my nerves
shook up so.” And she turned on her heel and went her way.
As soon as she was safely out, the Colonel said, in a suppressed voice:
“Come—we must see for ourselves. It _must_ be a mistake.”
They hurried softly down and peeped in. Sellers whispered, in a sort of
despair—
It _is_ eating! What a grisly spectacle! Hawkins it’s horrible! Take me
away—I can’t stand it.
They tottered back to the laboratory.
CHAPTER XX.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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