What nonsense people talk about love, don't they? Sleepness nights, broken dreams, beatin' hearts, pale faces, a pinin' away to shaders, fits of absence, loss of appetite, narvous flutterin's, and all that. I haven't got the symptoms, but I'll swear to the disease. Folks take this talk, I guess, from poets; and they are miserable, mooney sort of critters; half mad and whole lazy, who would rather take a day's dream than a day's work any time, and catch rhymes as niggers catch flies, to pass time; hearts and darts; cupid and stupid; purlin' streams and pulin' dreams, and so on. It's all bunkum!--_Sam Slick._ WONDERFUL.--442. An exchange, recording the fall of a person into the river, says:--"It is a wonder he escaped with his life." Prentice says: "Wouldn't it have been a still greater wonder if he had escaped without it?" HARD UP.--443. Jersey man (entering a dentist's store): "Air yeou a doctor, sir?"--Dentist: "Yes. Can I do anything for you?"--Jersey man: "Wall, no; I guess not in the way of physic. I've jest called to see if yeou don't want to buy some real, genuine, sound teeth?"--Dentist: "Well, I might want them; have you many?"--Jersey man: "I calkilate I can't say I have more'n a few, myself; but our Sal sez she has got some she'll sell, if I can strike a good bargain."--Dentist, having thought for some time, names a price, and the countryman consents.--Jersey man (taking a seat, and coolly spreading himself out): "Wall, I guess yeou may draw a dozen for the present, and I'll bring Sal to-morrow."--Dentist (looking aghast): "Why, you don't mean to sell your own teeth? They're of no use to me."--Jersey man: "Why, look here, they're no airthly use to Sal and me; for what's the use of teeth when one's nothing to eat?" MILITARY TACTICS.--444. The stratagems resorted to by the soldiers at Cairo, to smuggle liquor into their quarters, were often amusing. One day a man started out with his coffee-pot for milk. On his return, an officer suspecting him to have whisky in his can, wished to examine it, and the man satisfied him by pouring out milk. At night there was a general drunk in that soldier's quarters, ending in a fight. It was at last discovered that the man had put a little milk into the spout of his can, sealing the inside with bread, and filling the can with whisky. SETTLING THE WINE BILL.--445.