"Facts are stubborn things," said a lawyer to a female witness under examination. The lady replied: "Yes, _sir-ee_, and so are women; and if you get anything out of me just let me know it."--"You'll be committed for contempt."--"Very well; I'll suffer justly, for I feel the utmost contempt for every lawyer present." POPPING THE QUESTION.--523. A bachelor, too poor to get married, yet too susceptible to let the girls alone, was riding with a lady "all of a summer's day," and accidentally--(men's arms, awkward things, are ever in the way!)--dropped an arm round her waist. No objection was made for a while, and the arm gradually relieved the side of the carriage of the pressure upon it. But of a sudden, whether from a late recognition of the impropriety of the thing, or the sight of another beau coming, never was known, the lady started with volcanic energy, and with a flashing eye exclaimed: "Mr. B., I can support myself!"--"Capital," was the instant reply, "you are just the girl I have been looking for these five years--will you marry me?" A GEM.--524. At a lecture of Bayard Taylor's a lady wished for a seat, when a portly, handsome gentleman brought one, and seated her. "Oh, you're a jewel," said she. "Oh, no," he replied, "I'm a jeweller--I have just _set_ the jewel!" THINGS I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE.--525. A fashionable bootmaker who was not "from Paris." A gentleman who was not a self-constituted inspector of ladies' bonnet-linings. A male pedestrian divorced from his cane who knew what to do with his hands. A man who could hold an umbrella properly over a lady's bonnet; or put on her cloak, or shawl, without crushing her bonnet, or hair; or diet himself when he was ailing; or take physic that did not "taste good;" or be good-natured when he was sick, or had cut his chin in shaving, or had to wait ten minutes for his dinner or breakfast; or who was ever "refused" by a lady. A bachelor whose carpet did not wear out _first_ in front of the looking-glass. A male author who could successfully counterfeit a feminine letter. An editor, or author, who did not feel nervous at the idea of examining trunk-linings and parcel wrappers. A handsome child who did not grow up to be homely. A woman who was not _at heart_ inimical to her own sex. A married man who could give the right hand of fellowship to a wife's old lover; or take a hint from the toe of her slipper, under the table, before company. A milliner who could be bribed to make a bonnet to cover the head. A dressmaker who did not consider a "perfect fit" to consist in an armour of whalebone and a breathless squeeze. A husband's relatives who could speak well of his wife. A doctor who had not more patients than he could attend to. A washerwoman who ever lost an article of clothing. A public speaker who did not search for the lost thread of his discourse in the convenient tumbler of water at his elbow.