A woman who would not feign to be "so fond of cigar-smoke," rather than exile the smoker. An old maid who was not so from choice. FANNY FERN. QUESTION FOR QUESTION.--526. Franklin was once asked, "What is the use of your discovery of atmospheric electricity?" The philosopher answered the question by another, "What is the _use_ of a new-born infant?" THE YANKEE.--527. "No matter where his home may be-- What flag may be unfurl'd! He'll manage by some _cute_ device, To _whittle_ through the world." --_Miss Allin's "Home Ballads."_ TRUE POLITENESS.--528. Sir W. G., when Governor of Williamsburgh, returned the salute of a negro who was passing. "Sir," said a gentleman, present, "do you descend to salute a slave?" "Why, yes," replied the Governor, "I cannot suffer a man of his condition to _exceed_ me in _good manners_." A "DISTANT" FRIEND.--529. Meeting a negro on the road, a traveller said: "You have lost some of your friends, I see?" "Yes, massa." "Was it a _near_ or distant relative?" "Well, purty distant--_'bout twenty-four mile_," was the reply. JONATHAN OF ALL TRADES.--530. The editor of the _Boston Daily Star_, in relinquishing his charge, gave the following notice:--"Any one wishing corn hoed, gardens weeded, wood sawed, coal pitched in, paragraphs written, or small jobs done with despatch, and on reasonable terms, will please make immediate application to the retiring editor." MUCH VIRTUE IN AN "IF."--531. "If you can only get kit rid of them little failings" (blindness and deafness), said one Yankee to another, "you'll find him all sorts of a horse." THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD.--532. A Californian gold-digger, having become rich, desired a friend to procure for him a library of books. The friend obeyed, and received a letter of thanks thus worded:--"I am obliged to you for the pains of your selection. I particularly admire a grand religious poem about Paradise, by a Mr. Milton, and a set of plays (quite delightful) by a Mr. Shakespeare. _If these gentlemen should write and publish anything more, be sure and send me their new works._" ANSWERING AN ADVERTISEMENT.--533. A merchant advertising for a clerk, "who could bear confinement," received an answer from one who had been ten years in the State prison! THE LOVERS' LEAP.--534. Mr. Dickens tells an American story of a young lady who, being intensely loved by five young men, was advised to "jump overboard, and marry the man who jumped in after her." Accordingly, next morning, the five lovers being on deck, and looking very devotedly at the young lady, she plunged into the sea head foremost. Four of the lovers immediately jumped in after her. When the young lady and four lovers were out again, she says to the captain, "What am I to do with them now, they are so wet?" "Take the _dry one_." And the young lady did, and married him. COMPLIMENTARY.--535.