A MILD ASSERTION.--592. This is to certify that I have always been bald, and have used up a barrel of common hair-dye. I accidentally heard of your Invigorator, and purchased a bottle, and carried it home in my overcoat pocket. The pocket was full of hair when I got home! I took the bottle and held it in the sun, when the shadow fell on my head. A thick head of chestnut-coloured hair grew out in thirty minutes by the watch, all curled and perfumed. Send me twenty bottles by return mail. FRIENDLY NOTICE.--593. The editor of the _Florence Inquirer_ gives the following notice to one of his friends--"The gentleman who took out of our library the number of _Graham's Magazine_, is respectfully invited to call again in about two weeks and get the number for August." TIPPING THEM LATIN.--594. Andrew Jackson was once making a stump speech out West in a small village. Just as he was concluding amen, Kendall, who sat behind him, whispered, "Tip 'em a little Latin, General; they won't be content without it." The man of iron instantly thought upon a few phrases he knew, and in a voice of thunder he wound up his speech by exclaiming--"_E pluribus unum--sine qua non--ne plus ultra--multum in parvo_." The effect was tremendous, and the Hoosier's shouts could be heard for miles. A SOLID REASON.--595. A distinguished Southern gentleman, dining at a New York hotel, was annoyed at a negro servant continually waiting upon him, and desired him one day at dinner to retire. "Excuse me, Sir," said Cuffy, drawing himself up, "but I'se 'sponsible for de silver." SQUASHED.--596. A romantic youth, promenading in a fashionable street in New York, picked up a thimble. He stood awhile, meditating upon the probable beauty of the owner, when he pressed it to his lips, saying, "Oh, that it were the fair cheek of the wearer!" Just as he had finished, a stout, elderly negress looked out of an upper window, and said, "Massa, jist please to bring dat fimble of mine in de entry--I jist drapt it." BRIGHT AND BLUE.--597. I met her in the sunset bright, her gingham gown was blue; her eyes, that danced with pure delight, were of the same dear hue. And always when the sun goes down, I think of the girl in the gingham gown. OYSTERS.--598. A man seeing an oyster vendor pass by, called out, "Give me a pound of oysters!" "We sell oysters by measure, not by weight," replied the other. "Well," said he, "give me a yard of them." ABSTRACTION.--599. An editor at a dinner-table being asked if he would take some pudding, replied in a fit of abstraction, "Owing to a crowd of other matter we are unable to find room for it." MODERN DEFINITIONS NOT FOUND IN ANY OF THE ANCIENT DICTIONARIES.--600. _Hard Times._--Sitting on a cold grindstone and reading the President's message. _Love._--A little world within itself intimately connected with shovel and tongs. _Genteel Society._--A place where the rake is honoured and the moralist condemned.