"I was down to see the widow yesterday," said Tim's uncle, "and she gave me a dinner. I went down rather early in the morning. We talked, and laughed, and chatted, and run on, she going out and in occasionally, till dinner was ready, when she helped me graciously to a piece of pie. Now I thought that, Tim, rather favourable. I took it as a symptom of personal approbation, because everybody knows I love pigeon pie, and I flattered myself she had cooked it on purpose for me. So I grew particularly cheerful, and thought I could see it in her too. So, after dinner, while sitting close beside the widow, I fancied we both felt kind of comfortable like: I know I did. I fell over head and ears in love with her, and I imagined, from the way she looked, she had fallen in love with me. She appeared for all the world as if she thought it was coming. Presently--I couldn't help it--I laid my hand softly on her beautiful shoulder, and I remarked, when I placed it there, in my blandest tones, Tim--for I tried to throw my whole soul into the expression--I remarked, then, with my eyes pouring love, truth, and fidelity right into hers: 'Widow, this is the nicest, softest place I ever had my hand in all my life!' Looking benevolently at me, and at the same time flushing up a little, she said, in melting and winning tones: 'Doctor, give me your hand, and I'll put it on a much softer place.' In a moment, in rapture, I consented, and, taking my hand, she very gently, Tim, and quietly laid it on my head. Now, Tim, I havn't told this to a livin' soul but you, and, by jinks! you musn't. But I couldn't hold in any longer, so I tell you; but, mind, it musn't go any further." ENGLISH GRAMMAR.--105. The "Comic Grammar" says:-- But remember, though box In the plural makes boxes, The plural of ox Should be _oxen_, not oxes. To which an exchange paper adds:-- And remember, though fleece In the plural is fleeces, That the plural of goose Aren't _gooses_ nor _geeses_. We may also be permitted to add:-- And remember, though house In the plural is houses, The plural of mouse Should be _mice_, and not _mouses_. --_Philadelphia Gazette._ All of which goes to prove That grammar a farce is; For where is the plural Of rum and molasses? --_New York Gazette._ The plural--_Gazette_-- Of rum don't us trouble; Take one glass too much And you're sure to see double. --_Brooklyn Daily Advertiser._ A pair of blue eyes-- Just to vary the strain-- Says the plural of kiss Is--"Do it again!" --_Howard County Sentinel._ Our English vernacular Is rife in abuse: "Unloose" is the same thing As if you said _loose_! --_Montreal Pilot._