The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
Philosophy
The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
American wit and humor
We like short courtships, and in this Adam acted like a sensible man.
He fell asleep a bachelor, and awoke to find himself a married man. He
appeared to have popped the question almost immediately after meeting
Mademoiselle Eve, and she without any flirtation or shyness, gave him
a kiss and herself. Of this first event in the world, we have however,
our thoughts, and sometimes in a poetical mood have wished that we
were the man that did it. But the deed is done. The chance was Adam's
and he improved it. We like the notion of getting married in a garden;
it is a good taste. We like a private wedding--Adam's was private. No
envious beaux were there; no croaking old maids; no chattering aunts
and grumbling grandmothers. The birds of heaven were the minstrels,
and the glad sky flung its light upon the scene. One thing about
the wedding brings queer thoughts to us spite of scriptural truth.
Adam and his wife were rather young to be married--some two or three
days old, according to the sagest speculations of theologians; mere
babies--larger, but no older; without experience, without a house,
without a pot or kettle--nothing but love and Eden.
NOVEL COMMENTARY BY A PARSON.--111.
A minister at a camp meeting was delivering a discourse on pride, and,
in cautioning the ladies against it, he said: "And you, dear sisters,
may perhaps feel proud that our Lord paid you the distinguished
honour of appearing first to one of you after the resurrection; but
you have no reason for it, as it was undoubtedly done that the glad
tidings might spread sooner."
LOBSTER SALAD.--112.
In a lecture at Portland, Maine, the lecturer, wishing to explain to
a little girl the manner in which a lobster casts his shell when he
has outgrown it, said: "What do you do when you have outgrown your
clothes? You cast them aside, do you not?" "Oh, no!" replied the
little one, "we let out the tucks!" The lecturer confessed she had the
advantage of him there.
COULDN'T HELP IT, IN FACT.--113.
A grand jury down South ignored a bill against a negro for stealing
chickens, and before discharging him from custody, the judge bade him
stand reprimanded, and he concluded thus:--"You may go now, John,
but let me warn you never to appear here again." John, with delight
beaming in his eyes, and a broad grin, displaying a beautiful row
of ivory, replied: "I wouldn't been here dis time, Judge, only de
constable fotch me."
AFTER JOINING CHURCH.--114.
Uncle Sam had a neighbour who was in the habit of working on Sunday,
but after a while he joined the church. One day he met the minister
to whose church he belonged. "Well, Uncle Sam," said he, "do you see
any difference in Mr. P. since he joined the church?" "Oh, yes," said
Uncle Sam, "a great difference. Before, when he went out to mend his
fences on Sunday, he carried his axe on his shoulder, but now he
carries it under his over-coat."
REMARKABLE DREAM.--115.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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