The girl glanced away. That sudden, unexplained little stab of pain she
had experienced had left her nervous. Her whole nature had winced under
it, and, like a man who feels some sudden moment of internal agony for
the first time, she was frightened; she did not know what it meant.
"I expect that is nonsense, too," she said. "At least, it is either
nonsense or very obvious, for I suppose when anyone laughs, however
fully he laughs, there is always something tragic behind. Ah, how nice
to laugh entirely just once from your hair to your heels."
"Can't you do that ever?" asked Evelyn sympathetically.
"No, never, nor can most people, I think. We are all haunted houses;
there is always a ghost of some kind tapping at the door or lurking in
the dusk. Only a few people have no ghosts. I should think your's were
infinitesimal. You are much to be envied."
Evelyn listened with all his ears to this; partly because he and Madge
were already such good friends, and anything new about her was
interesting; partly because, though, as he had said, surface was enough
for him--it bore so very directly on his coming portrait of her.
"Yes, I expect that is true," he said; "most people certainly have their
ghosts. But it is wise to wall up one's haunted room, is it not?"
Madge shook her head.
"Yes, but it is still there," she said.
She got up from the low chair in which she was sitting with an air of
dismissing the subject of their talk.
"Come, ask me some more of those very silly riddles," she said. "I think
they are admirable in laying ghosts. So, too, are you, Mr. Dundas. I am
sure you will not resent it when I say it is because you are so
frightfully silly. Ghosts cannot stand silliness."
Evelyn laughed.
"It is so recuperative to be silly," he said, "because it requires no
effort to a person of silly disposition, that is to say. One has to be
oneself. How easy!"
She opened her eyes at this.
"That means you find it easy to be natural," she said. "Why, I should
have thought that was almost the most difficult thing in the world to
be. Now a pose is easy; it is like acting; you have got to be somebody
else. But to be oneself! One has to know what one is, first of all, one
has to know what one likes."
Evelyn laughed again.
"Not at all. You just have to shut your eyes, take a long breath, and
begin talking. Whatever you say is you."
The girl shook her head.
"Ah, you don't understand," she said. "You, you, I, everybody, are
really all sorts of people put into one envelope. Am I to say what one
piece of me is prompting me to say or what another is thinking about?
And it's just the same with one's actions; one hardly ever does a thing
which every part of one wants to do; one's actions, just like one's
words, are a sort of compromise between the desires of one's different
components."
She paused a moment, and, with a woman's quickness of intuition provided
against that which might possibly be in his mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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