It was then to this temple of contradictions that Evelyn returned, three
steps to a stride, after seeing Madge off. The figure was right; he felt
sure of that, but the tone of the background somehow was not yet quite
attuned to it. Above all, the mirror must be bright burnished gold, not
dull, for the flame of the cloak, if it was the only note of high colour
in the picture, consumed itself, burned away ineffectually, and it was
with a heart that beat fast, not only from his gallop upstairs, but from
excitement in this creation that was his, that he again stood before the
picture. Yes, that was it; another high light was necessary.
For a moment he looked at the laughing face on his canvas, almost
laughing himself. Then all on a sudden his laughter died, the need of
his picture for another high light died too, for though his eyes were
looking on his own presentment of Madge, it was Madge herself that his
soul saw. And even as his eyes loved the work of his hands, so he knew
in a burning flash of self-revelation that his soul loved her. Up till
now, up till this very moment, he had not known that this was so; that
it was possible he had long since recognised, that the possibility was
reaching its tentacles out into regions of the probable he had
recognised, so to speak, out of the corner of his eye, had recognised,
but cut it, and now came the knowledge.
Evelyn gave a great sigh, raising his hands, one with the palette on the
thumb, the other with the brush it held, to full stretch, and let them
fall again, and stood still in front of his own inimitable portrait,
drinking in no longer with the artist's eye only, but with the eye of
the lover, the incomparable beauty of his beloved. That rush of sudden
knowledge, so impetuous, so overwhelming, for the moment drowned all
else; it did not enter his head to consider "What next?" The present
moment was so blindingly bright that everything that lay outside it was
in impenetrable shadow. The intimate relations into which he was thrown
with the girl, by reason of this portrait; the fact that she was
engaged, and that to his best friend, did not at first have any
existence in his mind; he but looked at this one fact, that he loved her
to the exclusion of all else. Then, as must always happen, came reaction
from the ecstatic moment, and in the train of reaction, like some grey
ghost, thought. But even thought for the time was gilded by the light of
that central sun, and it was long before he could frame the situation in
the bounding lines of life and conduct. For love is a force which is
impatient of opposition, and against opposition it will hurl itself,
like a wild bird against the wires of its cage, careless of whether it
is dashed to pieces, knowing only the overwhelming instinct and need of
liberty, to gain which death is but the snap of a careless finger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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