Three days had passed since Madge had had her last sitting for her
portrait, and those three days had passed for her in a sort of dream of
disquietude which was not wholly pain. She had not seen Evelyn since,
and scarcely Philip, for he had been harder worked than usual, and last
night, when he was to have dined with them, had sent word that he could
not possibly get there in time. They were to go to the theatre
afterwards, and he said he would join them there. She had upbraided him
laughingly for his desertion of them, telling him that he put the
pleasure of business higher than the pleasure of her society. For retort
he had the fact that when he was not at work he was never anywhere else
but in her society, whereas two days ago, when he was free one morning,
she refused to ride with him because she was to give a sitting to
Evelyn. But the moment he had said this he was sorry for it, for Madge
had flushed, and turned from him, biting her lip. But though he was
sorry for the undesigned pain he had apparently given her, his heart
could not but sing to him. She could not bear such a word from him even
in jest.
But this had not been the cause of Madge's disquietude; Philip's remark
indeed had, so far as it alone was concerned, gone in at one ear but to
come out at the other. In its passage through it had touched something
that made her wince with sudden pain. But the pain passed, and a warmth,
a glow of some secret kind, remained. Disquieting it was, but not
painful, except that at intervals a sort of pity and remorse would stab
her, and at other times her heart, like Philip's, could not but sing to
her for the splendour of love which was beginning to dawn. She could not
help that dawn coming, and she could not help glorying in its light.
Of what should be the practical issue she did not at once think. It was
but three weeks ago that she had promised to marry Philip, and then her
honesty had made her tell him that she gave him liking, esteem,
affection, all that she was conscious that it was in her power to give.
And now, when she knew that she was possessed of more than these, and
that the new possession was not hers to give him, a long day of
indecision, this day on which in the evening they were to dine together
with Gladys Ellington, had been hers. But gradually, slowly, with
painful gropings after light, she had made up her mind.
She had no choice--her choice was already made, and all duty, all
obedience, all honour, called her to fulfil the promise she had made, to
fulfil it, too, in no niggardly lip-service sense of the word, but to
fulfil it loyally. She must turn her back to the dawn which had come too
late, she must never look there, she must for ever avert her eyes from
it. Above all, she must do all that lay in her power to prevent that
brightness growing. She must, in fact, not see Evelyn again of her own
free will.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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