3rd Month, 1822. She writes, "In the afternoon meeting, a subject seemed so clear before me, that I ventured to speak; but oh! the evil of my heart, the consciousness of having, or supposing I had, chosen my words well, was like the fly in the ointment of the apothecary, the baneful effects of which, I felt many days after. The more I see of my own mind, the more may the breathing of my soul be,--'If Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean.' Sometimes to believe that it is His will, is sweet to me, but we must maintain the fight, for though the victory is His, the fall is ours." "The constant and deep consideration for others in the most minute actions of life, how I love it, and feel myself 'as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke.'" 5th Month, 6th, 1822. "Days and nights of much spiritual conflict, or rather perhaps the sight that there was much to conflict with; weak in body and weak in mind! In my ministry more patient and deep deliberation wanting. Last night, believed I had not kept close enough to my Guide in prayer, with which I felt some distress,--perhaps not altogether wrong,--but had not stopped when I ought, nor waited at every moment for clearness and strength in the exercise; I hope I shall not hurt others." 6th Month, 1822. "A month is now passed in which I have been sweetly enabled to enjoy the love of God in my heart. I trust we shall experience preservation, though we may well fear for ourselves, and be the subject of fear for others. Oh! that, without affectation, we may live deeply in the root of life!" 4th Month, 1823. "I have much to bind me to this earth, but perhaps more power of gratefully enjoying its blessings is wanted, and may be in store for me before I leave it; some minds seem deeply anchored in the truth, meekly and patiently bearing the trials of the day, with firmer faith and greater purity, but each heart alone knows its own bitterness, and I believe there is never much attainment without much suffering;--a chastened habit of thought, how desirable to be the habit of early life! riches and indulgences how inimical to it!" 4th Month, 1825. "My mind enjoyed a liberty, and something of the light of the glorious gospel, a state which I often pant after, and am so generally a stranger to; in each day a religious engagement seemed peculiarly blessed to myself. A sense of being liked and loved, is gratifying; at the same time I acknowledge, it has its dangers; it is, however, a stimulus to do good and to communicate." 4th Month, 25th. "A poor body, and a weak restless mind! How the sword does wear the scabbard! but this world is not to be our paradise; perhaps I lose some little strength in striving to make it so. Oh! my God, have pity upon me; thou alone canst know how much I suffer;--if my children ail anything, what it costs me."