Criminals -- Fiction; New York (State) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Cheese sandwiches, pig's knuckles and beer brought them delicately to
the banquet board. They were among their friends. The talk was always
interesting, sometimes educational.
Ike the Blood complained that certain annoying purists were preaching a
crusade against the Raines Law Hotels. Slimmy, celebrated not only for
his slimness, but his erudition, declared that crusades had been the
common curse of every age.
“W'at do youse know about it?” sourly propounded the Humble Dutchman,
who envied Slimmy his book-fed wisdom.
“W'at do I know about it?” came heatedly from Slimmy. “Do youse think I
ain't got no education? Th' last time I'm in stir, that time I goes up
for four years, I reads all th' books in th' prison library. Ask th'
warden if I don't. As to them crusades, it's as I tells you. There's
always been crusades; it's th' way humanity's gaited. Every sport, even
if he don't go 'round blowin' about it, has got it tucked somewhere
away in his make-up that he, himself, is th' real thing. Every dub who's
different from him he figgers is worse'n him. In two moves he's out
crusadin'. In th' old days it's religion; th' Paynims was th' fall guys.
Now it's rum, or racin', or Raines Hotels, or some such stall. Once let
a community get the crusade bug, an' something's got to go. There's a
village over in Joisey, an,' there bein' no grog shops an' no vice mills
to get busy wit', they ups an' bounces an old geezer out of th' only
church in town for pitchin' horse-shoes.”
Slimmy called for more beer, with a virtuously superior air.
“But about them Paynims, Slimmy?” urged Alma.
“It's hundreds of years ago,” Slimmy resumed. “Th' Paynims hung out in
Palestine. Bein' they're Paynims, the Christians is naturally sore on
'em; an' so, when they feels like huntin' trouble, th' crusade spirit'd
flare up. Richard over in England would pass th' woid to Philip in
France, an' th' other lads wit' crowns.
“'How about it?' he'd say. 'Cast your regal peepers toward Palestine.
D'you make them Paynims? Ain't they th' tough lot? They won't eat pork;
they toe in when they walk; they don't drink nothin' worse'n coffee;
they've got brown skins. Also,' says he, 'we can lick 'em for money,
marbles or chalk. W'at d'youse say, me royal brothers? Let's get our
gangs, an' hand them Paynims a swift soak in behalf of the troo faith.'
“Philip an' the other crowned lads at this would agree wit' Richard.
'Them Paynims is certainly th' worst ever!' they'd say; an' one woid'd
borry another, until the crusade is on. Some afternoon you'd hear the
newsies in th' streets yellin', 'Wux-try!' an' there it'd be in big
black type, 'Richard, Philip an' their gallant bands of Strong-Arms have
landed in Palestine.'”
“An' then w'at, Slimmy?” cooed Alma, who hung on every word.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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