Duty, her duty to her country, her honor, her patriotism, her affection
for her soldier brother, all bade her mask her feelings and seek one
more opportunity of leading Hoff to betray himself in conversation if
that were possible. Yet, to her own amazement and horror, her heart
protested vigorously against such action. Harassed as she was by
conflicting emotions, worn out by the trying experiences that had been
hers the last few days, she realized at last that she was really in
love with Hoff. The throb of joy that she had experienced at the sound
of his voice, the thrill that came to her each time she saw him, the
delight she found in his presence, the fact that despite all the
circumstances, she wanted to be near him, to be with him, convinced her
against her will and judgment that her heart was his. In vain she
marshalled the damning facts against him. She tried to remember only
the expression of murderous hate she had seen on his face the night
that her predecessor, the other K-19, had been murdered. She tried to
think of him only as a treacherous spy, an enemy of her country forever
plotting to destroy Americans, yet she could not. However base and
treacherous and low her reason told her Frederic Hoff must be, her
refractory heart persisted in beating faster at the prospect of his
coming.
Hitherto not much given to self-analysis, she now found herself
wondering at herself. What could be the matter with her? Why must she
love this rascal? Why could she not fall in love with some decent,
clean, patriotic young American, with some man like Thomas Dean?
Chauffeur though he was now pretending to be, she knew that he was a
college man, well-bred, and traveled. She knew, too, that Dean was in
love with her. For him she had a sincere liking, great admiration even,
and toward him now she was experiencing that feeling of sympathy a
woman always has for the man she cannot love. But her feeling toward
Dean, she classified as only that of friendship, nothing at all like
the passionate affection that was rapidly drawing her closer and closer
to Hoff.
Dared she see him now? Might not her love for him overcome her high
desire to be of service to her country? Might she not be led by her
unruly heart into betraying to him the fact that he was in the most
imminent peril?
Yet she must see him, she told herself. Perhaps this very day he might
be arrested and imprisoned. She might never again have the opportunity
of seeing him alone and of talking with him. Into her troubled brain
came a daring thought. Perhaps it was not too late, even yet, to turn
him from his evil course. Was there, she wishfully wondered, any
possibility of her leading him, through his love for her, to forsake
his comrades, even to betray them? No, she admitted to herself, that
was a preposterous idea. He was too dominating, too forceful, too
determined, to be influenced to anything against his will.
“May I come in, please?” he kept insisting over the ’phone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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