The Arbiter: A NovelBell, Florence Eveleen Eleanore Olliffe, Lady
History
The Arbiter: A Novel
Bell, Florence Eveleen Eleanore Olliffe, Lady
Great Britain -- History -- Victoria, 1837-1901 -- Fiction; Spy stories
to cross stopped as a matter of course on the pavement and waited
indifferently, hardly seeing what it was, until the obstruction had gone
by, as they would have done had it been anything else. Rachel, leaning
back by her father, trying to hide herself, yet felt as if she could
not help seeing everything they met. Every step of the way was a slow
torture. And oh, the return home! that drive, at a brisk trot this time,
through the same crowded, unfeeling streets, which still retained the
association of the former progress through them, the sense that now, as
the coachman whipped up his horses, for every one save for the two
desolate people who sat silently together inside the carriage, life
might--indeed, would--throw off that aspect of gloom and go on as
before! And then the worst moment of all, the finding on their return
that the house had taken on a ghastly semblance of its usual aspect,
that the blinds were up, the windows open, the sun streaming in
everywhere--the hard, cruel light, as it seemed to Rachel, shining into
the rooms that were for evermore to be different.
Then followed the time which is incomparably the worst after a great
loss, the time when, ordinary life being taken up again, the sufferer
has the additional trial of too large an amount of leisure on his
hands--the horror of all those new spare hours that used to be passed in
a companionship that is gone, that must be filled up with something
fresh unless they are to stand in wide, horrible emptiness, to assail
recollection with unendurable grief. And especially in that house were
they empty, where the existence of both father and daughter had revolved
round that of another to a greater extent than that of most people. The
problem of how to readjust the daily conditions was a hard, hard one to
solve, harder obviously for Sir William than it was for Rachel. The
girl was uplifted in those days by the sense that, however difficult she
might find it to carry out in detail, the general scheme of her life lay
clear before her. She was going to devote it to her father, she was
going to carry out that unmade promise, which she now considered more
binding on her than ever, although her mother had warned her against
making it, the promise that her father should come first. But the
warning at the moment it was made had not been accepted by Rachel, and
in the exaltation of her self-sacrifice it was forgotten now. She saw
her way, as she conceived, plainly in front of her. Rendel, with his
usual understanding and wisdom, did not obtrude himself on her during
those days. He had quite made up his mind not to ask for her decision
until there might be some hope of its being made in his favour. He had
felt Lady Gore's death as acutely as though he had the right of kinship
to grieve for her. He was miserably conscious that something inestimably
precious had gone out of his life, almost before he had had time to
realise his happiness in possessing it. But neither he nor Rachel
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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