The Arrow of Gold: A Story Between Two NotesConrad, Joseph
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The Arrow of Gold: A Story Between Two Notes
Conrad, Joseph
Adventure stories; Illegal arms transfers -- Fiction; Marseille (France) -- Fiction; Sea stories; Young men -- Fiction
“Resting? Rest is a very good thing. Upon my word, I thought I would
find you alone. But you have too much sense. Neither man nor woman has
been created to live alone. . . .” After this opening he had all the
talk to himself. It was left to him pointedly, and I verily believe that
I was the only one who showed an appearance of interest. I couldn’t help
it. The others, including Mills, sat like a lot of deaf and dumb people.
No. It was even something more detached. They sat rather like a very
superior lot of waxworks, with the fixed but indetermined facial
expression and with that odd air wax figures have of being aware of their
existence being but a sham.
I was the exception; and nothing could have marked better my status of a
stranger, the completest possible stranger in the moral region in which
those people lived, moved, enjoying or suffering their incomprehensible
emotions. I was as much of a stranger as the most hopeless castaway
stumbling in the dark upon a hut of natives and finding them in the grip
of some situation appertaining to the mentalities, prejudices, and
problems of an undiscovered country—of a country of which he had not even
had one single clear glimpse before.
It was even worse in a way. It ought to have been more disconcerting.
For, pursuing the image of the cast-away blundering upon the
complications of an unknown scheme of life, it was I, the castaway, who
was the savage, the simple innocent child of nature. Those people were
obviously more civilized than I was. They had more rites, more
ceremonies, more complexity in their sensations, more knowledge of evil,
more varied meanings to the subtle phrases of their language. Naturally!
I was still so young! And yet I assure you, that just then I lost all
sense of inferiority. And why? Of course the carelessness and the
ignorance of youth had something to do with that. But there was
something else besides. Looking at Doña Rita, her head leaning on her
hand, with her dark lashes lowered on the slightly flushed cheek, I felt
no longer alone in my youth. That woman of whom I had heard these things
I have set down with all the exactness of unfailing memory, that woman
was revealed to me young, younger than anybody I had ever seen, as young
as myself (and my sensation of my youth was then very acute); revealed
with something peculiarly intimate in the conviction, as if she were
young exactly in the same way in which I felt myself young; and that
therefore no misunderstanding between us was possible and there could be
nothing more for us to know about each other. Of course this sensation
was momentary, but it was illuminating; it was a light which could not
last, but it left no darkness behind. On the contrary, it seemed to have
kindled magically somewhere within me a glow of assurance, of
unaccountable confidence in myself: a warm, steady, and eager sensation
of my individual life beginning for good there, on that spot, in that
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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