The Arrow of Gold: A Story Between Two NotesConrad, Joseph
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The Arrow of Gold: A Story Between Two Notes
Conrad, Joseph
Adventure stories; Illegal arms transfers -- Fiction; Marseille (France) -- Fiction; Sea stories; Young men -- Fiction
A great revelation this. I don’t mean to say it was soul-shaking. The
soul was already a captive before doubt, anguish, or dismay could touch
its surrender and its exaltation. But all the same the revelation turned
many things into dust; and, amongst others, the sense of the careless
freedom of my life. If that life ever had any purpose or any aim outside
itself I would have said that it threw a shadow across its path. But it
hadn’t. There had been no path. But there was a shadow, the inseparable
companion of all light. No illumination can sweep all mystery out of the
world. After the departed darkness the shadows remain, more mysterious
because as if more enduring; and one feels a dread of them from which one
was free before. What if they were to be victorious at the last? They,
or what perhaps lurks in them: fear, deception, desire, disillusion—all
silent at first before the song of triumphant love vibrating in the
light. Yes. Silent. Even desire itself! All silent. But not for
long!
This was, I think, before the third expedition. Yes, it must have been
the third, for I remember that it was boldly planned and that it was
carried out without a hitch. The tentative period was over; all our
arrangements had been perfected. There was, so to speak, always an
unfailing smoke on the hill and an unfailing lantern on the shore. Our
friends, mostly bought for hard cash and therefore valuable, had acquired
confidence in us. This, they seemed to say, is no unfathomable roguery
of penniless adventurers. This is but the reckless enterprise of men of
wealth and sense and needn’t be inquired into. The young _caballero_ has
got real gold pieces in the belt he wears next his skin; and the man with
the heavy moustaches and unbelieving eyes is indeed very much of a man.
They gave to Dominic all their respect and to me a great show of
deference; for I had all the money, while they thought that Dominic had
all the sense. That judgment was not exactly correct. I had my share of
judgment and audacity which surprises me now that the years have chilled
the blood without dimming the memory. I remember going about the
business with light-hearted, clear-headed recklessness which, according
as its decisions were sudden or considered, made Dominic draw his breath
through his clenched teeth, or look hard at me before he gave me either a
slight nod of assent or a sarcastic “Oh, certainly”—just as the humour of
the moment prompted him.
One night as we were lying on a bit of dry sand under the lee of a rock,
side by side, watching the light of our little vessel dancing away at sea
in the windy distance, Dominic spoke suddenly to me.
“I suppose Alphonso and Carlos, Carlos and Alphonso, they are nothing to
you, together or separately?”
I said: “Dominic, if they were both to vanish from the earth together or
separately it would make no difference to my feelings.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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