I REMAINED with Mrs. Ambient, but as a servant had brought out a couple
of chairs I wasn’t obliged to seat myself beside her. Our conversation
failed of ease, and I, for my part, felt there would be a shade of
hypocrisy in my now trying to make myself agreeable to the partner of my
friend’s existence. I didn’t dislike her—I rather admired her; but I was
aware that I differed from her inexpressibly. Then I suspected, what I
afterwards definitely knew and have already intimated, that the poor lady
felt small taste for her husband’s so undisguised disciple; and this of
course was not encouraging. She thought me an obtrusive and designing,
even perhaps a depraved, young man whom a perverse Providence had dropped
upon their quiet lawn to flatter his worst tendencies. She did me the
honour to say to Miss Ambient, who repeated the speech, that she didn’t
know when she had seen their companion take such a fancy to a visitor;
and she measured apparently my evil influence by Mark’s appreciation of
my society. I had a consciousness, not oppressive but quite sufficient,
of all this; though I must say that if it chilled my flow of small-talk
it yet didn’t prevent my thinking the beautiful mother and beautiful
child, interlaced there against their background of roses, a picture such
as I doubtless shouldn’t soon see again. I was free, I supposed, to go
into the house and write letters, to sit in the drawing-room, to repair
to my own apartment and take a nap; but the only use I made of my freedom
was to linger still in my chair and say to myself that the light hand of
Sir Joshua might have painted Mark Ambient’s wife and son. I found
myself looking perpetually at the latter small mortal, who looked
constantly back at me, and that was enough to detain me. With these
vaguely-amused eyes he smiled, and I felt it an absolute impossibility to
abandon a child with such an expression. His attention never strayed; it
attached itself to my face as if among all the small incipient things of
his nature throbbed a desire to say something to me. If I could have
taken him on my own knee he perhaps would have managed to say it; but it
would have been a critical matter to ask his mother to give him up, and
it has remained a constant regret for me that on that strange Sunday
afternoon I didn’t even for a moment hold Dolcino in my arms. He had
said he felt remarkably well and was especially happy; but though peace
may have been with him as he pillowed his charming head on his mother’s
breast, dropping his little crimson silk legs from her lap, I somehow
didn’t think security was. He made no attempt to walk about; he was
content to swing his legs softly and strike one as languid and angelic.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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