The Autobiography of Mark Rutherford, Edited by his friend Reuben ShapcottWhite, William Hale
General
The Autobiography of Mark Rutherford, Edited by his friend Reuben Shapcott
White, William Hale
Religious fiction
“It really seems to me of immense importance whether you see this
intellect or not, although you say it is of no importance. It appears to
be of less importance than it really is, because I do not think that even
you ever empty the universe of intellect. I believe that mind never
worships anything but mind, and that you worship it when you admire the
level bars of cloud over the setting sun. You think you eject mind, but
you do not. I can only half imagine a belief which looks upon the world
as a mindless blank, and if I could imagine it, it would be depressing in
the last degree to me. I know that I have mind, and to live in a
universe in which my mind is answered by no other would be unbearable.
Better any sort of intelligence than none at all. But, as I have just
said, your case admits of plainer statement than mine. You and I have
talked this matter over before, and I have never gained a logical victory
over you. Often I have felt thoroughly prostrated by you, and yet, when
I have left you, the old superstition has arisen unsubdued. I do not
know how it is, but I always feel that upon this, as upon many other
subjects, I never can really speak myself. An unshapen thought presents
itself to me, I look at it, and I do all in my power to give it body and
expression, but I cannot. I am certain that there is something truer and
deeper to be said about the existence of God than anything I have said,
and what is more, I am certain of the presence of this something in me,
but I cannot lift it to the light.”
“Ah, you are now getting into the region of sentiment, and I am unable to
accompany you. When my friends go into the clouds, I never try to follow
them.”
All this time Mary had been sitting in the arm-chair against the
fireplace in her usual attitude, resting her head on her hand and with
her feet crossed one over the other on the fender. She had been
listening silently and motionless. She now closed her eyes and said—
“Father, father, it is not true.”
“What is not true?”
“I do not mean that what you have said about theology is not true, but
you make Mr. Rutherford believe you are what you are not. Mr.
Rutherford, father sometimes tells us he has no sentiment, but you must
take no notice of him when he talks in that way. I always think of our
visit to the seaside two years ago. The railway-station was in a
disagreeable part of the town, and when we came out we walked along a
dismal row of very plain-looking houses. There were cards in the window
with ‘Lodgings’ written on them, and father wanted to go in to ask the
terms. I said that I did not wish to stay in such a dull street, but
father could not afford to pay for a sea view, and so we went in to
inquire. We then found that what we thought were the fronts of the
houses were the backs, and that the fronts faced the bay. They had
pretty gardens on the other side, and a glorious sunny prospect over the
ocean.”
Mardon laughed and said—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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