The Autobiography of St. IgnatiusIgnatius, of Loyola, Saint
Religion
The Autobiography of St. Ignatius
Ignatius, of Loyola, Saint
Christian saints -- Spain -- Biography; Ignatius, of Loyola, Saint, 1491-1556
It will not be amiss to recall an event that occurred during this
journey, to show the manner in which God directed him. Although filled
with an ardent desire of serving God, yet his knowledge of spiritual
things was still very obscure. He had undertaken to perform
extraordinary penances, not so much with a view to satisfy for his
sins as with the intention of doing something pleasing to his Lord. He
declared indeed that though filled with the liveliest abhorrence of
his past sins, he could not assure himself that they were forgiven;
yet in his austerities so intense was his desire to do great things
for Christ that he did not think of his sins. When he recalled the
penances practised by holy persons, his whole mind was bent on doing
something to equal and even surpass them. In this holy ambition he
found his consolation, for he had no interior motive for his penances,
knowing as yet very little about humility or charity or patience, for
to obtain these many holy men have led austere lives. He knew still
less the value of discretion, which regulates the practice of these
virtues. To do something great for the glory of his God, to emulate
saintly men in all that they had done before him--this was the only
object of Ignatius in his practices of external mortification.
While he journeyed on, a Saracen mounted on a horse came up with him.
In the course of the conversation mention was made of the Blessed
Virgin. The stranger remarked that though he admitted that the Mother
of Christ had conceived without detriment to her virginal purity, yet
he could not believe that after the conception of her divine Son she
was still a virgin. He was so obstinate in holding this opinion, that
no amount of reasoning on the part of Ignatius could force him to
abandon it. Shortly afterward the Saracen rode on, leaving the pilgrim
to his own reflections. These were not of the most peaceful nature. He
was sorely troubled as he thought over the conduct of his recent
fellow-traveler, and felt that he had but poorly acquitted himself of
his duty of honoring the Mother of God. The longer his mind thought
upon the matter, the more his soul was filled with indignation against
himself for having allowed the Saracen to speak as he had done of the
Blessed Virgin, and for the lack of courage he fancied he had shown in
not at once resenting the insult. He consequently felt impelled by a
strong impulse to hasten after him and slay the miscreant for the
insulting language he had used. After much internal conflict with
these thoughts, he still remained in doubt, nor could he decide what
course to follow. The Saracen, who had ridden on, had mentioned to him
that it was his intention to proceed to a town not far distant from
the highroad. At length, Ignatius, wearied by his inward struggle and
not arriving at any determination, decided to settle all his doubts in
the following novel way: he would give free rein to his horse, and if,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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