By a phenomenon, usual in the history of passions, he restored to the
absent one all the attributes which, little by little he had taken from
her. Their last months together had not been pleasant. Anne had been
tired and generally sad after her illness. She reproached herself
everlastingly about her youth and her complexion, which were fading. He
patiently bore these complaints, which were the result of an excess of
sensitiveness and of that melancholy natural to those who, too early in
life and without preparation, have endured the miseries and humiliations
of fate. But no man who is at work can entirely suppress the boredom he
meets with in his home, nor the displeasure he experiences in listening
to lamentations. Their intellectual life alone retained the power of a
mutual bond. A chapter of the "History of the Peasant," the biography of
some great man, provided material for endless discussions. Still he did
not relinquish any of his ideas concerning the social order, nor did he
know how to convince her of his view-point. Pure lines of classic art,
the positive force of experience attracted him, when, on the contrary,
she was enthusiastic about elaborate forms, and avoided realities for
all Utopias. At intervals, wearied by their useless clash of opinion,
they appealed to each other through their former love, and grew tender,
not daring to admit to themselves that it was a compromise. And too
often Albert absently went off in a direction where she could not follow
him, and which she very well knew. Now, deserted by her, he did not wish
to owe to her his freedom for which he had often longed, and he fancied
himself linked to the memory of Anne.
The Avenue of the Observatory and the mysterious little Rue Cassini, the
Allée de Mortemart at the Bois de Boulogne, the road which runs along
the pond of La Reine Blanche to Chantilly, saw him pass on his
pilgrimage. In these appropriate frames he could better call to mind the
long golden eyes, the sorrowful mouth, and the step, light and weary at
the same time. In place of spring which was blooming everywhere, he
wished for autumn, whose pathetic grace had so often caressed them. Thus
do our emotions crush us as they die away, and he mistook the sweetness
of having loved for love itself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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