"How could I have refused when you offered to show me an unknown Paris,
the historic Paris where phantoms still abide? When I was quite little,
I loved the portraits of my ancestors at Sézery; and for the pleasure
of knowing fear, I imagined that they were coming back at night. Oh, our
wonderful walks along the quays, in the hot sunshine, or in those little
streets which you know, where you called up for me ghosts of the past!
And St. Germain and Malmaison, and Chantilly that we visited in late
Autumn, when the forest has lost its foliage, and one sees so far into
its depths and into one's heart as well. Each one of our walks meant
another bond to draw us together. No doubt they gave added zest to our
instincts for research, to our intellectual life. Often (do you
remember?) we investigated one by one those marvelous hypotheses which
give us our desire for eternity. But it was for love that we were both
eager. And I, I continue to tremble. Your life, you told me last night,
could no longer exist without mine. But mine belongs to you for as long
as you will. May it glide softly into yours without ever harming it!
Without taking it, let it be of service to you. If you knew! I have no
more confidence: it has never been very powerful in me, and these last
ten years have killed it. I no longer believe in the happiness I can
give, and I would offer my life for yours. Direct my weakness, my love:
I feel so old and so young at the same time, and I love you.
"ANNE."
A business man is always somewhat skeptical about the sentimentality of
love letters. From the facts which are an integral part of almost every
brief, he knows with what euphemisms or what lack of perspective they
are worded. But Philippe had been too often to the Château in former
days not to recognize the candor of the young girl in this tone of
passionate exaltation and anticipated discouragement. He only divined in
her a more intense melancholy, like a latent languor. Her eyes must be
less golden, her mouth more drooping, her body more slender. In a word,
she must have partially lost her physical charm, which explained her
unanswerable fear of the future, and Philippe was sufficiently cruel to
rejoice in all those pictures which made her less desirable.
Madame Derize reappeared first with her two children. The invisible
comparison was greatly to her advantage. Thus framed, and with all the
attraction of her youthfulness, he thought her singularly powerful.
"You have read it?" she asked when he had kissed Marie-Louise and his
godson, little Philippe.
"Yes, Madame, but according to this letter she was not his mistress."
She was dumbfounded at this interpretation.
"Do not trifle with me: it is unkind."
Guided by his professional skill, he had discovered an argument which he
explained, not without having protested against her intentions:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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