"Oh, what is the use of talking about it?" she said passionately; "we won't agree. If it was all to do over again, perhaps I--But life was so dreadful! If you judge me, remember--" "I do not judge you." "--remember that everything has been against me. Everything! From the very beginning, I never had anything I wanted, I thought I was going to be happy, but each time I wasn't. Until I had David. And now you will take him. Oh, what a miserable failure life has been! I wish I could die. But it seems you can't even die when you want to!" For a moment she covered her face with her hands. Then she said: "I suppose I might as well tell you. Mr. Pryor is not--.... After my baby died, I left my husband. Lloyd loved me, and I went to live with him." "You went to live with your brother?" Dr. Lavendar repeated perplexed. "He is not my brother." There was silence for a full minute. Then Dr. Lavendar said quietly, "Go on." She looked at him with hunted eyes. "Now, you will take David away. Why did you make me tell you?" "It is better to tell me." He laid his old hand on hers, clenched upon the table at her side. The room was very still; once a coal fell from the grate, and once there was the soft brush of rain against the window. "It's my whole life. I can't tell you my whole life, I didn't even want to be wicked; all I wanted was to be happy, And so I went to Lloyd. It didn't seem so very wrong. We didn't hurt anybody. His wife was dead.--As for Frederick, I have no regrets!" she ended fiercely. The room had darkened in the rainy October twilight, and the fire was low; Dr. Lavendar could hardly see her quivering face. "But now it's all over between Lloyd and me. I sha'n't see him ever any more. He would have married me, if I had been willing to give up David. But I was not willing." "You thought it would make everything right if you married this man?" "Right?" she repeated, surprised; "why, of course. At least I suppose that is what good people call right," she added dully. "And you gave up doing right, to have David?" She felt that she was trapped, and yet she could not understand why; "I sacrificed myself," she said confusedly. "No," said Dr. Lavendar; "you sacrificed a conviction. A poor, false conviction, but such as it was, you threw it over to keep David." She looked at him in terror; "It was just selfishness, you think?" "Yes," said Dr. Lavendar. "Perhaps it was," she admitted. "Oh, how frightful life is! To try to be happy, is to be bad." "No, to try to be happy at the expense of other people, is to be bad." "But I never did that! Lloyd's wife was dead;--Of course, if she had been alive"--Helena lifted her head with the curious pride of caste in sin which is so strongly felt by the woman who is a sinner;--"if she had been alive, I wouldn't have thought of such a thing. But nobody knew, so I never did any harm,"--then she quailed; "at least, I never meant to do any harm. So you can't say it was at anybody's expense."