THE DUKE. Small titles and orders For Mayors and Recorders I get--and they're highly delighted. M.P.s baronetted, Sham Colonels gazetted, And second-rate Aldermen knighted. Foundation-stone laying I find very paying, It adds a large sum to my makings. At charity dinners The best of speech-spinners, I get ten per cent on the takings! THE DUCHESS. I present any lady Whose conduct is shady Or smacking of doubtful propriety; When Virtue would quash her I take and whitewash her And launch her in first-rate society. I recommend acres Of clumsy dressmakers-- Their fit and their finishing touches; A sum in addition They pay for permission To say that they make for the Duchess! THE DUKE. Those pressing prevailers, The ready-made tailors, Quote me as their great double-barrel; I allow them to do so, Though ROBINSON CRUSOE Would jib at their wearing apparel! I sit, by selection, Upon the direction Of several Companies bubble; As soon as they're floated I'm freely bank-noted-- I'm pretty well paid for my trouble! THE DUCHESS. At middle-class party I play at _écarté_-- And I'm by no means a beginner; To one of my station The remuneration-- Five guineas a night and my dinner. I write letters blatant On medicines patent-- And use any other you mustn't; And vow my complexion Derives its perfection From somebody's soap--which it doesn't.