O reader, or readress, whichever you be, You weep for the crew who have sunk in the sea? O reader, or readress, read farther, and dry The bright sympathetic ka-bob in your eye. That ship had a grapple with three iron spikes,-- It's lowered, and, ha! on a something it strikes! They haul it aboard with a British "heave-ho!" And what it has fished up the drawing will show. There was WILSON, and PARKER, and TOMLINSON, too-- (The first was the captain, the others the crew)-- As lively and spry as a Malabar ape, Quite pleased and surprised at their happy escape. And ALUM, brave fellow, who stood in the fore, And never expected to look on them more, Was really delighted to see them again, For the truly courageous are truly humane. [Illustration] [Illustration] WHEN I FIRST PUT THIS UNIFORM ON When I first put this uniform on, I said, as I looked in the glass, "It's one to a million That any civilian My figure and form will surpass. Gold lace has a charm for the fair, And I've plenty of that, and to spare. While a lover's professions, When uttered in Hessians, Are eloquent everywhere!" A fact that I counted upon, When I first put this uniform on! I said, when I first put it on, "It is plain to the veriest dunce That every beauty Will feel it her duty To yield to its glamour at once. They will see that I'm freely gold-laced In a uniform handsome and chaste"-- But the peripatetics Of long-haired æsthetics, Are very much more to their taste-- Which I never counted upon When I first put this uniform on. [Illustration] [Illustration] SIR BARNABY BAMPTON BOO THIS is SIR BARNABY BAMPTON BOO Last of a noble race, BARNABY BAMPTON, coming to woo, All at a deuce of a pace. BARNABY BAMPTON BOO, Here is a health to you: Here is wishing you luck, you elderly buck-- BARNABY BAMPTON BOO! The excellent women of Tuptonvee Knew SIR BARNABY BOO; One of them surely his bride would be, But dickens a soul knew who. Women of Tuptonvee, Here is a health to ye: For a Baronet, dears, you would cut off your ears, Women of Tuptonvee! Here are old MR. and MRS. DE PLOW (PETER his Christian name), They kept seven oxen, a pig, and a cow-- Farming it was their game. Worthy old PETER DE PLOW, Here is a health to thou: Your race isn't run, though you're seventy-one, Worthy old PETER DE PLOW! [Illustration]