The Bad Boy at Home, and His Experiences in Trying to Become an Editor: 1885Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
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The Bad Boy at Home, and His Experiences in Trying to Become an Editor: 1885
Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
American wit and humor; Diary fiction; Newspapers -- Fiction
“Yees didn't, yer rech; is that the way your after crawlin outer it,
after try in to ruin a respectibel widdy like meself? Praps yer don't
think I'm good lookin enuf for yer, yer babby-faced, downey-lipped,
banged-haired, slim-legged, tite-laced, corset-cased, monkey-taled sun
of a noospaper doode. If my Pat was livin he'd giv yer a lessin next
time yer tride to mash a yung widdy like meself, moind that now, will
yer!”
She hadn't hardly got outer the door wen a tall, lone, lank maidin, wot
had seen bout forty sommers and too numerous to menshun winters, cum
salin in, with a slitely ellyvated skurt wot exposed to vue a couple of
wite and blue shafts wot might have been pipe-stems if they hadn't bin
her ankels. Bowin sweetly to the law reporter, she requested to be shown
into the horse reporter's offis.
Soon as I'd showd her in she tuk a chare, wot was purty close to the
Horse Reporters, & sed to him:
“Here I am Georgie, dere. I do feel so nurvus, you kno. I'm so very yung
and inexperienced, and my ma sez a yung and innocent gal lik me ortent
to trust myself to go to Boston with a man. But then, Georgie dere, you
dont look one bit norty. Wont we have a nice time, darlin.” Then she
reched over and kissed him rite on his mouth, and blushed wen she sed,
“Don't Georgie, yer orternter kiss me till we're better aquainted.”
Kissing him agen she sot rite down on his knee, and ex-clamed, in a
horryfied tone: “You horrid, norty boy, if yer do that again, I'll strik
you with a fether, reel hard, so I will.”
All this time the horse reporter was the pikter of despare. Suddenly
espying a up town divine waitin for the Manergin Edit-tur, in the room
opposite, he sed: “My dere madam, your sweetness is all waisted on me,
cos I'm a marreed man, wot had twins last nite. See, in yonder room, is
the Horse Reporter, the man youre looking for.”
By the time she was on the preechers nee, and was goin thru the kissing
per-formanse, the Horse Reporter had the hull staff, lookin thru the
half opened dore, and the fust day the _Busters_ stock of scandals
runs out, we hav one all reddy, bout the minnysteer kissin the madin of
forty.
CHAPTER XX.
THE DEVIL IN CHURCH.--A TERRIFICK. XPLOSHUN, AND FLYIN
DEBRIS GIVES MR. TALMIG A XCELLENT SUBJECT.--FASHUN AND
STILE OF LONG AGO.--GET THE BEHIND ME SATAN.
Today is Sunday. I kno I ortenter rite in you today Mr. Diry, but, as
I've had to rite up a serio commick, religus report, I dont see no big
objeckshun ter givin it ter you.
Urley this mornin, the Religus edittur called up to our house, and
sed he'd giv me a quarter, if I'd go over to Brooklin sted of him, and
report a surmon, cos he warnted to go to the little church round the
corner, and make it up with the quire singer, wot was goin to sue him
for breech of promise. I was 'greed so I went over, and the ushur showd
me inter one of the front seets, and didn't collect no admishun fee
offen me, cos, I guess he knowd I had a ded hed ticket.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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