"That'd be telling, and telling would get somebody aboard the Autocratic into terrible bad trouble if it ever leaked out. I crawled in out of the weather--let it go at that. I wish," said Mr. Iff soulfully, "those damn' Pinkerton men had let it go at that. Once or twice I really thought they had me, or would have me the next minute. And they wouldn't give up. That's why I had to take to the water, after dark. My friend, who shall be nameless, lent me the loan of a rope and I shinned down and had a nice little swim before I found a place to crawl ashore. I assure you that the North River tastes like hell.... O thank you; don't mind if I do." "Then," said Staff, watching the little man help himself on his own invitation--"Then you are Ismay!" "Wrong again," said Iff drearily. "Honest, it's a real shame, the way you can't seem to win any bets at all." "If you're not Ismay, what made you hide?" "Ah!" cried Iff admiringly--"shrewd and pertinent question! Now I'll tell you, and you won't believe me. Because--now pay strict attention--because we're near-twins." "Who are twins?" demanded Staff staring. "Him and me--Ismay and I-double-F. First cousins we are: his mother was my aunt. Worse and more of it: our fathers were brothers. They married the same day; Ismay and I were born in the same month. We look just enough alike to be mistaken for one another when we're not together. That's been a great help to him; he's made me more trouble than I've time to tell you. The last time, I was pinched in his place and escaped a penitentiary sentence by the narrowest kind of a shave. That got my mad up, and I served notice on him to quit his foolishness or I'd get after him. He replied by cooking up a fine little scheme that almost laid me by the heels again. So I declared war and 've been camping on his trail ever since." He paused and twiddled his thumbs, staring reflectively at the ceiling. "I'm sure I don't know why I bore myself telling you all this. What's the use?" "Never mind," said Staff in an encouraging manner; he was genuinely diverted. "At worst it's a worthy and uplifting--ah--fiction. Go on.... Then you're not a Secret Service man after all?" "Nothing like that; I'm doing this thing on my own." "How about that forged paper you showed the captain?" "Wasn't forged--genuine." "Chapter Two," observed Staff, leaning back. "It is a dark and stormy night; we are all seated about the camp-fire. The captain says: 'Antonio, go to it.'"