Christmas stories, English; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
‘And duly witnessed as by law required,’ said Snitchey, pushing away his
plate, and taking out the papers, which his partner proceeded to spread
upon the table; ‘and Self and Craggs having been co-trustees with you,
Doctor, in so far as the fund was concerned, we shall want your two
servants to attest the signatures—can you read, Mrs. Newcome?’
‘I an’t married, Mister,’ said Clemency.
‘Oh! I beg your pardon. I should think not,’ chuckled Snitchey, casting
his eyes over her extraordinary figure. ‘You _can_ read?’
‘A little,’ answered Clemency.
‘The marriage service, night and morning, eh?’ observed the lawyer,
jocosely.
‘No,’ said Clemency. ‘Too hard. I only reads a thimble.’
‘Read a thimble!’ echoed Snitchey. ‘What are you talking about, young
woman?’
Clemency nodded. ‘And a nutmeg-grater.’
‘Why, this is a lunatic! a subject for the Lord High Chancellor!’ said
Snitchey, staring at her.
—‘If possessed of any property,’ stipulated Craggs.
Grace, however, interposing, explained that each of the articles in
question bore an engraved motto, and so formed the pocket library of
Clemency Newcome, who was not much given to the study of books.
‘Oh, that’s it, is it, Miss Grace!’ said Snitchey.
‘Yes, yes. Ha, ha, ha! I thought our friend was an idiot. She looks
uncommonly like it,’ he muttered, with a supercilious glance. ‘And what
does the thimble say, Mrs. Newcome?’
‘I an’t married, Mister,’ observed Clemency.
‘Well, Newcome. Will that do?’ said the lawyer. ‘What does the thimble
say, Newcome?’
How Clemency, before replying to this question, held one pocket open, and
looked down into its yawning depths for the thimble which wasn’t
there,—and how she then held an opposite pocket open, and seeming to
descry it, like a pearl of great price, at the bottom, cleared away such
intervening obstacles as a handkerchief, an end of wax candle, a flushed
apple, an orange, a lucky penny, a cramp bone, a padlock, a pair of
scissors in a sheath more expressively describable as promising young
shears, a handful or so of loose beads, several balls of cotton, a
needle-case, a cabinet collection of curl-papers, and a biscuit, all of
which articles she entrusted individually and separately to Britain to
hold,—is of no consequence.
Nor how, in her determination to grasp this pocket by the throat and keep
it prisoner (for it had a tendency to swing, and twist itself round the
nearest corner), she assumed and calmly maintained, an attitude
apparently inconsistent with the human anatomy and the laws of gravity.
It is enough that at last she triumphantly produced the thimble on her
finger, and rattled the nutmeg-grater: the literature of both those
trinkets being obviously in course of wearing out and wasting away,
through excessive friction.
‘That’s the thimble, is it, young woman?’ said Mr. Snitchey, diverting
himself at her expense. ‘And what does the thimble say?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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