The poor Governor doubted his senses, and crossed to stop him—not
in time, however. The same gallery-boy shouted, “How’s your
mother?”—and Dennis, now completely lost, tried, as his last shot,
No. 1, vainly: “Very well, thank you; and you?”
I think I must have been undone already. But Dennis, like another
Lockhard chose “to make sicker.” The audience rose in a whirl of
amazement, rage, and sorrow. Some other impertinence, aimed at
Dennis, broke all restraint, and, in pure Irish, he delivered
himself of an address to the gallery, inviting any person who
wished to fight to come down and do so—stating, that they were all
dogs and cowards—that he would take any five of them single-handed,
“Shure, I have said all his Riverence and the Misthress bade me
say,” cried he, in defiance; and, seizing the Governor’s cane from
his hand, brandished it, quarter-staff fashion, above his head. He
was, indeed, got from the hall only with the greatest difficulty
by the Governor, the City Marshal, who had been called in, and the
Superintendent of my Sunday School.
The universal impression, of course, was, that the Rev. Frederic
Ingham had lost all command of himself in some of those haunts
of intoxication which for fifteen years I have been laboring to
destroy. Till this moment, indeed, that is the impression in
Naguadavick. This number of _The Atlantic_ will relieve from it a
hundred friends of mine who have been sadly wounded by that notion
now for years—but I shall not be likely ever to show my head there
again.
No! My double has undone me.
We left town at seven the next morning. I came to No. 9, in the
Third Range, and settled on the Minister’s Lot, In the new towns in
Maine, the first settled minister has a gift of a hundred acres of
land. I am the first settled minister in No. 9. My wife and little
Paulina are my parish. We raise corn enough to live on in summer.
We kill bear’s meat enough to carbonize it in winter. I work on
steadily on my _Traces of Sandemanianism in the Sixth and Seventh
Centuries_, which I hope to persuade Phillips, Sampson & Co. to
publish next year. We are very happy, but the world thinks we are
undone.
FOOTNOTES:
[15] From _The Atlantic Monthly_, September, 1859. Republished in
the volume, _The Man Without a Country, and Other Tales_ (1868), by
Edward Everett Hale (Little, Brown & Co.).
[16] Which means, “In the thirteenth century,” my dear little
bell-and-coral reader. You have rightly guessed that the question
means, “What is the history of the Reformation in Hungary?”
A VISIT TO THE ASYLUM FOR AGED AND DECAYED PUNSTERS[17]
By Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809–1894)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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