Having just returned from a visit to this admirable Institution
in company with a friend who is one of the Directors, we propose
giving a short account of what we saw and heard. The great success
of the Asylum for Idiots and Feeble-minded Youth, several of the
scholars from which have reached considerable distinction, one
of them being connected with a leading Daily Paper in this city,
and others having served in the State and National Legislatures,
was the motive which led to the foundation of this excellent
charity. Our late distinguished townsman, Noah Dow, Esquire, as
is well known, bequeathed a large portion of his fortune to this
establishment— “being thereto moved,” as his will expressed it, “by
the desire of _N. Dowing_ some public Institution for the benefit
of Mankind.” Being consulted as to the Rules of the Institution and
the selection of a Superintendent, he replied, that “all Boards
must construct their own Platforms of operation. Let them select
_anyhow_ and he should be pleased.” N.E. Howe, Esq., was chosen in
compliance with this delicate suggestion.
The Charter provides for the support of “One hundred aged and
decayed Gentlemen-Punsters.” On inquiry if there way no provision
for _females_, my friend called my attention to this remarkable
psychological fact, namely:
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FEMALE PUNSTER.
This remark struck me forcibly, and on reflection I found that _I
never knew nor heard of one_, though I have once or twice heard a
woman make a _single detached_ pun, as I have known a hen to crow.
On arriving at the south gate of the Asylum grounds, I was about to
ring, but my friend held my arm and begged me to rap with my stick,
which I did. An old man with a very comical face presently opened
the gate and put out his head.
“So you prefer _Cane_ to _A bell_, do you?” he said—and began
chuckling and coughing at a great rate.
My friend winked at me.
“You’re here still, Old Joe, I see,” he said to the old man.
“Yes, yes—and it’s very odd, considering how often I’ve _bolted_,
nights.”
He then threw open the double gates for us to ride through.
“Now,” said the old man, as he pulled the gates after us, “you’ve
had a long journey.”
“Why, how is that, Old Joe?” said my friend.
“Don’t you see?” he answered; “there’s the _East hinges_ on the
one side of the gate, and there’s the _West hinges_ on t’other
side—haw! haw! haw!”
We had no sooner got into the yard than a feeble little gentleman,
with a remarkably bright eye, came up to us, looking very serious,
as if something had happened.
“The town has entered a complaint against the Asylum as a gambling
establishment,” he said to my friend, the Director.
“What do you mean?” said my friend.
“Why, they complain that there’s a _lot o’ rye_ on the premises,”
he answered, pointing to a field of that grain—and hobbled away,
his shoulders shaking with laughter, as he went.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account