Wilbraham told me that during these moments he was surrendering himself
to an emotion and intimacy and companionship that was the most
wonderful thing that he had ever known. It was that intimacy and
companionship, he told me, for which all his days he had been
searching. It was the one thing that life never seemed to give; even in
the greatest love, the deepest friendship, there was that seed of
loneliness hidden. He had never found it in man or woman.
Now it was so wonderful that the first thing he said was: "And now
you're going to stay, aren't you? You won't go away at once...?"
"Of course, I'll stay," he answered. "If you want me."
His Visitor was dressed in some dark suit; there was nothing about Him
in any way odd or unusual. His Face was thin and pale, His smile
kindly.
His English was without accent. His voice was soft and very melodious.
But Wilbraham could notice nothing but His Eyes; they were the most
beautiful, tender, gentle Eyes that he had ever seen in any human
being.
They sat down. Wilbraham's overwhelming fear was lest his Guest should
leave him. They began to talk and Wilbraham took it at once as accepted
that his Friend knew all about him--everything.
He found himself eagerly plunging into details of scenes, episodes that
he had long put behind him--put behind him for shame perhaps or for
regret or for sorrow. He knew at once that there was nothing that he
need veil nor hide--nothing. He had no sense that he must consider
susceptibilities nor avoid self-confession that was humiliating.
But he did find, as he talked on, a sense of shame from another side
creep towards him and begin to enclose him. Shame at the smallness,
meanness, emptiness of the things that he declared.
He had had always behind his mistakes and sins a sense that he was a
rather unusually interesting person; if only his friends knew
everything about him they would be surprised at the remarkable man that
he really was. Now it was exactly the opposite sense that came over
him. In the gold-rimmed mirror that was over his mantlepiece he saw
himself diminishing, diminishing, diminishing ... First himself, large,
red-faced, smiling, rotund, lying back in his chair; then the face
shrivelling, the limbs shortening, then the face small and peaked, the
hands and legs little and mean, then the chair enormous about and
around the little trembling animal cowering against the cushion.
He sprang up.
"No, no ... I can't tell you any more--and you've known it all so long.
I am mean, small, nothing--I have not even great ambition ... nothing."
His Guest stood up and put His Hand on his shoulder.
They talked, standing side by side, and He said some things that
belonged to Wilbraham alone, that he would not tell me.
Wilbraham asked Him why He had come--and to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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