_Franklin._ What, with such a fever! I shall go distracted. Oh! Eh! Can no one bear it for me? _Gout._ Ask that of your horses; they have served you faithfully. _Franklin._ How can you so cruelly sport with my torments? _Gout._ Sport! I am very serious. I have here a list of offenses against your own health distinctly written, and can justify every stroke inflicted on you. _Franklin._ Read it then. _Gout._ It is too long a detail; but I will briefly mention some particulars. _Franklin._ Proceed. I am all attention. _Gout._ Do you remember how often you have promised yourself, the following morning, a walk in the grove of Boulogne, in the garden de la Muette, or in your own garden, and have violated your promise, alleging at one time it was too cold, at another too warm, too windy, too moist, or what else you pleased; when in truth it was too nothing but your insuperable love of ease? _Franklin._ That I confess may have happened occasionally, probably ten times in a year. _Gout._ Your confession is very far short of the truth; the gross amount is one hundred and ninety-nine times. _Franklin._ Is it possible? _Gout._ So possible that it is fact; you may rely on the accuracy of my statement. You know Mr. Brillon's gardens, and what fine walks they contain; you know the handsome flight of a hundred steps, which lead from the terrace above to the lawn below. You have been in the practise of visiting this amiable family twice a week, after dinner, and it is a maxim of your own, that "a man may take as much exercise in walking a mile up and down-stairs as in ten on level ground." What an opportunity was here for you to have had exercise in both these ways! Did you embrace it, and how often? _Franklin._ I can not immediately answer that question. _Gout._ I will do it for you; not once. _Franklin._ Not once? _Gout._ Even so. During the summer you went there at six o'clock. You found the charming lady, with her lovely children and friends, eager to walk with you, and entertain you with their agreeable conversation; and what has been your choice? Why, to sit on the terrace, satisfying yourself with the fine prospect, and passing your eye over the beauties of the garden below, without taking one step to descend and walk about in them. On the contrary, dear sir, you call for tea and the chess-board; and lo! you are occupied in your seat till nine o'clock, and that besides two hours' play after dinner; and then, instead of walking home, which would have bestirred you a little, you step into your carriage. How absurd to suppose that all this carelessness can be reconcilable with health, without my interposition! _Franklin._ I am convinced now of the justness of Poor Richard's remark that "Our debts and our sins are always greater than we think for." _Gout._ So it is. You philosophers are sages in your maxims, and fools in your conduct. _Franklin._ But do you charge, among my crimes, that I return in a carriage from Mr. Brillon's?